Shootin' the Breeze

and random targets

Jail Bird Dog

Retrievers are considered bird dogs because they are bred, and should be trained to (guess what!) retrieve birds.  They get the birds that hunters shoot, often swimming out to get the birds that fall into a pond or lake.  That is their purpose, when given the opportunity.


But who hunts every day?  So, during their days off, Retrievers look for other tasks for which they are fitted.  Often they fetch balls, sticks, or frisbees.  All such activities are appropriate and can be very fun for dog and owner alike.

Beau is a Yellow Labrador Retriever.  As I have written in other blogs, he is a water dog.  He can swim.  He can also pull on hoses and plumbing devices in order to free water that is being otherwise directed for human purposes.

Since getting him from the animal shelter, we have wondered about Beau’s life story.  We have wondered why someone did not neuter him, apparently not train him, and give him up to a shelter.  We now have a credible theory.  Basically, he is an outlaw.

I have written about his sinful nature, including thievery and vandalism.

I was recently provided reasonable evidence persuading me that he came from a criminal home wherein he was brought up in a criminal lifestyle by, well, an actual criminal.

Earlier this week, I was talking to a local breeder of Labradors and told her about our Beau.  She told me that she might know the very dog.  She had, a couple years ago, sold one of her male pups to a woman who then called her a few months ago and asked if the breeder would take back the dog and keep him while that woman served her jail sentence of several months.  That convicted criminal’s dog was intact.  The dog was about two years old.  The dog was, she thinks, Beau.

So, now that he is our dog, and since he was surrendered to the pound when the breeder declined taking care of him during the term of his prior owner’s imprisonment, Miss Sugar does not want to give him back to his criminal past owner.  Neither do I.

However, sometimes I am conflicted.  This morning, our criminal dog stole Miss Sugar’s shoe, again, and tried to sneak it outside.  When I used my lightning reflexes to close the door before the thief could escape, the young delinquent taunted me.  He would not bring it back.  He ran upstairs.  When Sugar got him to relinquish it, even as she was praising him for dropping the shoe, he unrepentantly grabbed a bra that was in the bedroom and ran downstairs with it.   He had that evil look in his laughing eyes as he shook the bra like a rag.  He was not feeling guilty.  He was not sorry.  He shows no remorse.  He was, and is, per my amateur diagnosis, criminally insane.  He might lack the capacity to distinguish right from wrong.  Or he could, like Satan, know exactly what is wrong and delight in doing wrong.

evil eye

Insanity is a defense.  Evil intent to deprive another of her property is not.  Both types (insane or evil) need to be locked up.

Do we have a duty as citizens of the county to report Beau’s crimes to the Sheriff?

If the District Attorney chooses to prosecute Beau, as the husband of the victim of his crimes, I have an inherent conflict of interest and cannot represent him.  Will the Public Defender urge Beau to plead guilty?  Must the prosecutor prove “mens rea” (criminal intent)?

What is the sentencing guideline for “Theft of Brassiere?”  Is it Grand Theft if the bra is DD?

Assuming that Beau will be convicted (after all, there are two credible eye witnesses), is it feasible to rehabilitate him in prison?  If put on probation, is he doomed to fail to meet the conditions of probation?  One standard condition is to “refrain from engaging in any unlawful activity.”  Does he have it in him to so refrain?  He is, after all, a repeat offender.

I need some guidance.

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10 thoughts on “Jail Bird Dog

  1. (Giggles)
    Oh, he’s just full of self esteem….and is testing ya’ll to see if he’s stayin’…poor little heart’s been broken by promises before. (snort. rolling with laughter)
    Early criminal ways are hard to give up…maybe work on “here trade you” ( and offer a treat)…may work if you keep at it….so far it works here …until you run out of treats….
    Outlaws love nothing more than a good chase.
    Good luck there …would write more, but must reclaim stolen sock from wild Molly the Mauler ( she was drugged when we first saw her – they didn’t tell us she had been drugged!….been through 4 homes before us)

    • I appreciate your comment and wish you well with wild Molly. We have two labs now, both from shelters. The other one’s story is worse — see Sadie’s Tale. Beau is actually very smart. He is learning lessons, like to avoid skunks (see Beau Knows blog). He is a very joyful animal and seems to appreciate his new home. We had wondered why someone would turn him in and now we know it was not voluntary. He gives me lots to write about.

      • Will check out the posts. We always have rescued dogs (abused German shepherds, skunk-wise Bouviers, and Molly the mauler)- they take a bit of work: lack of trust, abused, and worry about being abandoned again, I think.
        This one’s mostly malamute and was manic and wild young one – rescued from a dog fighting area (but her temperament is very sweet – she won’t fight without being pushed hard and cruelly – she had wire imbedded around her chest and neck). She’s calming down now, but it’s been a struggle….as you say, great source of stories.
        I got a real laugh out of yours – sounds so familiar – they get that look in their eyes
        Rescue dog are the best – they are truly grateful

  2. Bless your hearts for rescuing dogs. They do have extra layers of issues. When we got Sadie, there was a class taught by an animal psychologist concerning how abused animals are different and present extra challenges. I think that you are correct about lack of trust and fear of abandonment. However, as you also know, when you gain that trust, it is worth it and you have a devoted pet. I saved the life of one of our mares. She knows it. I am her guy. Her name is Hollywood Survivor.

  3. Reblogged this on Shootin' the Breeze and commented:

    More Beau stories — the marathon continues. One loyal reader has accepted the position of President of the Beau Fan Club. Bless her heart! She might resign when she learns of his criminal past.

  4. Love it, my dogs went for socks, usually chewed before caught!

  5. deaconmike51907 on said:

    Reblogged this on News With a Catholic View.

  6. Obviously, Beau fell in with bad company at an early age. It’s always sad to see young lives bent toward crime.

    We have a golden retriever, and he manifests many of the same traits as Beau — especially ‘bra theft’. That is an art form all to its own. It takes precision timing to snatch those from the laundry basket when my wife’s back is turned.

    • Golden Retrievers are very similar to Labs. I have had three and miss them all. One gently got the end of a roll of toilet paper and tee peed from an upstairs bath, downstairs and into the living room without it breaking.

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