Shootin' the Breeze

and random targets

Beau and the UPS Driver

A UPS delivery truck came up the lane to Cross Creek Ranch.  He honked, probably intending to scare the dogs away from the truck so as not to hit them, at least he felt that way at that point in his day.  His feelings changed.

I came outside and the driver got out of his truck to hand me a package.  Foolishly, he neglected to close the door to his vehicle.  It probably did not seem foolish to him, but I know better.  I know better because I know the criminal mind with which we are dealing.

As he chatted with me about two Great Pyrenees who charged him when he delivered to another ranch yesterday, two Yellow Labrador Retrievers took a more subtle approach.  Sadie and Beau went up the steps of the delivery truck and inspected the contents.

Beau picked out something he liked and departed from the truck with a small package in his mouth.  It might have contained jewelry.  Sadie was still shopping; however, she did not find anything before I invited her to leave the truck, which she obediently did.

Obedience is a concept that Beau has not grasped.  He always thinks it is funny when he has something desired by others.  He does not readily return what he has, by every legal definition , STOLEN.  It is called in the Colorado statutes “Theft.”  It might be “Grand Theft” depending on the value of the stolen property.  Regardless of value, it was “a wrongful taking of property belonging to another.”  Clearly, taking something from a UPS truck is a criminal act that could result in a sentence of  years in the slammer.

As Beau’s reluctant attorney, I cut a deal with the driver.

As an aside,  I will explain that most retrievers complete the retrieval process by obeying a command such as “Drop It” or “Release.”  I did not have time to use words like that.  It was time for action.  I swiftly grabbed the culprit’s collar and then got the package from out of Beau’s mouth.  (Notice that I do not say suspect or alleged thief — this criminal was caught red-handed, well, he doesn’t have hands, so let’s say “with the evidence in his possession”).  We also have two eye witnesses, really three if you count his accomplice, Sadie, who claimed that she was not part of a conspiracy, that she was simply in the wrong place, i.e., the UPS truck, at the wrong time.  I think she is at least guilty of criminal trespass since she is not an employee of UPS and I am pretty certain that only employees are allowed in UPS vehicles.

Anyway, the deal I cut with the driver/victim is that if he does not turn my dogs in, I won’t report his negligence of failing to secure his vehicle while delivering in a rough neighborhood.  There are sliding doors on those vans for a good reason — security.  He violated his vow to guard the contents of his truck.  Other people’s property was his responsibility to protect and deliver.  I am outraged that he did not shut the door.  Outraged!

Now I have to explain to my wife why she can no longer use UPS.  We are at the very top of their bad customer list.  I wonder whether FedEx has us on their “do not deliver” list.  Do you think the UPS guys talk to the FedEx guys?

Maybe a couple years in the slammer would do Beau some good.


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23 thoughts on “Beau and the UPS Driver

  1. Lol, great post! Maybe he could get the bracelet and serve his time at home? Just kidding…

  2. Don’t depend on the prison system to do what your failure as a parent caused! 🙂
    Did he get a good “talking to” or a “time out” of a “smack on the nose”? Don’t raise a reckless citizen! Hold him accountable!

  3. You’d better watch it lest people suspect you’ve trained him to sniff & snatch and charge you as an accomplice. Or peg you as the mastermind, with Beau as accomplice. And he looks so innocent in that picture.
    The poor UPS driver probably thought, “Out here in the country on a ranch what can go wrong?” You can be sure this go on your record.

  4. I am not the mastermind or accomplice, yet I have been in the chain of possession of “hot” items that have been stolen by Jailbird Dog.

    • That’s what everybody says when caught with stolen goods. You have the disadvantage that you can’t plead ignorance like most do.
      “Honest, Your Honor, my friend just gave me this Rolex watch one day because I lent him twenty bucks. How could I have have known it was stolen?”

      • You are correct that I cannot claim ignorance about Beau’s possessions — all either were gifts from Sugar and me OR WERE STOLEN BY BEAU from some poor victim such as the UPS driver.

  5. Since Beau is good at taking advantage of openings, perhaps he can take that open linebacker position… since his owner/accomplice has, well, not been successful in filling said position.

  6. Reblogged this on Shootin' the Breeze and commented:

    This is another in a string of Beau stories that I am reblogging so Beau fans may read about his adventures without being interrupted by other subjects.

  7. As a UPS employee and a co-owner of an Australian (make that Italian) Shepherd who loves absconding with pizza, I can understand both sides–we have a hung jury, here.

  8. There is still time for Beau to turn his life around! If he’s only 2, that’s like being 14 in human years.

    • When I was in college, I worked part-time as a recreation director at a juvenile detention center. I refereed basketball games for sociopaths. I am not saying that none of them turned their lives around, I am observing though that Beau reminds me of the delinquents whom I kicked out of the gym for unacceptable behavior. Tough love and all…..

  9. Well, Beau pointed out glitch in the UPS security routines, so a pardon and a Medal of honour would close the case nicely 😉

  10. deaconmike51907 on said:

    Reblogged this on News With a Catholic View.

  11. Reblogged this on quirkywritingcorner and commented:
    Hysterical! I loved this!

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