I have not been availing myself of the full capabilities of cell phone devices, according to what I see in the news.
Anthony Weiner is running for mayor of New York City. Previously, he served in Congress, but resigned in 2011 due to a scandal involving exchanging sexually suggestive texts and racy photos with several women. Recently, another young woman informed the media that he had similar communications with her last summer and into the fall of 2012, including telephone sex, whatever that is. Apparently, Mr. Weiner, whose name is no joke, has one of those fancy phones. My own phone is not that attractive to me. Mr. Weiner has a different contract than the one I have with Verizon. He might have T Mobile. Or Sprint could be good for his active lifestyle.
Candidate Weiner is married.
His wife, Huma, who works for Hillary Clinton, a woman who herself knows something about having a spouse with a wandering eye, held a press conference to express her continuing support of her husband as a candidate for mayor.
I am married too. So I asked my wife, Miss Sugar, if she would be as understanding and forgiving as Hillary and Huma. She would not be.
“But, Sugar, I applied for the county rural land use advisory board and I need your support for my political career. Let’s hold a press conference so you can declare your loyalty to me.”
“What have you been up to?”
“Nuthin. I just want to be proactive, so I think you should declare that if I ever do have an online relationship or texting relationship or an affair with, say, an intern, or visit a prostitute, that you would stand by me, your man.”
“You know that I have stood by you for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, but unfaithfulness is where I draw the line. That is not what I meant when I said, ‘I do.’ ”
“Yes, ma’m. I was just checking, now that I am on the brink of celebrity status. We celebrities are not like the general public. It is hard to be a celebrity or a charismatic politician and the like. May I at least get a new cell phone? This one does not even have a data package. How am I supposed to stay connected with my public unless I have mobile internet capability? And one more thing — will you show me how to text? Does this thing even take pictures? Show me how to tweet. Is there a voice messaging feature? What is a ‘selfie’?”
Sugar has kept my cell phone activities simple. She could teach Huma a thing or two.
Paul Newman, a handsome movie star, who, in my opinion, was much more photogenic than Anthony Weiner, was once asked about his long-lasting Hollywood marriage and the temptations that come with the celebrity lifestyle. I like what he said because, being married to Sugar, I totally understand.
Paul Newman explained, “Why fool around with hamburger when I have steak at home?”
That’s what I had in mind when I said, “I do.” I had in mind sticking with the top grade steak I was blessed enough to get. Others have pointed out to me that marrying Miss Texas was way, way above my station in life. I ain’t complaining. I don’t need to upgrade my cell phone plan.
Clint Black sang about this very topic, which you can listen to by clicking the link below:
P.S. Sugar also clarified that she is not open to sister wives either. She is very territorial and that’s all right with me. I am too! I don’t want no stinkin’ new phone.