Miss Sugar Kicked to the Curb at the Mall
Regular readers of this blog know that Miss Sugar is my lovely trophy wife. Such persons are probably fans of Sugar on the basis of her qualities and accomplishments that I have described over the course of many posts. Therefore, you might be alarmed to learn that Miss Sugar was asked to leave our local shopping mall.
I suppose you admirers of Sugar might be guessing that I am the one who asked her to leave the mall — for economic reasons. No, it was not at my request. IT WAS AT THE REQUEST OF MALL SECURITY!!!!!!!
Oh, you fickle former fans now are suspecting that Sugar was involved in shoplifting. Again, you would be wrong. How dare you even for a moment think such a thing about my wonderful wife. She’s an angel!
Sugar and Lisa, a young woman from our cowboy church, are singing a duet and playing their guitars at tomorrow’s service. This morning, Saturday, they met at the mall as a convenient location at which to practice. Half the vendors at the food court are gone because our local mall is undergoing a big re-modeling project. It is sad to see the many vacant store spaces throughout the formerly busy mall. It seemed like a good place to practice, but, as it turned out, it was not.
I had come to town with Sugar. After we met Lisa in the parking lot and walked to the spot they selected to practice due to the chairs there, I left them. I left them because, thoughtlessly, they had neglected to invite me to sing with them. There are many famous musical trios, but, apparently, to these supposedly Christian women, three’s a crowd.
So I went to look for a coffee shop. I found one far away, at the farthest reaches of the near empty mall.
After having a little treat, I figured I better go back to the ladies to see if they were about finished practicing. Alas! When I returned to the food court, they were not there.
A couple of men were occupying nearby seats. I actually had noticed them there before I left. I probably noticed them because they were the only other people in the otherwise empty food court area. So I approached them and asked if they knew where the ladies went who had been singing there a half hour ago.
“The security guard told them that they have to leave,” I was told by one of the men who had formerly been half of the only audience.
“Why? Because they were disturbing the crowd of shoppers?”
“No. It just ain’t allowed.”
“What ain’t allowed? Music? Downtown there are pianos outside on the street, inviting musicians. No wonder this place is empty.”
“Well. The guard told them they were loitering and disturbing the peace and needed to leave.”
“One of them, the older (yet lovely) lady is my wife. I have the keys to the car. Where did she go?”
“Out that door.” He pointed south, past the food court.
I went out the door and found Sugar and Lisa sitting on the curb, literally, singing and playing, oblivious to the “No Loitering” sign posted nearby. So I set a spell, with my eye peeled for the security guard. He never found the hideout. They finished rehearsing and we got in our respective vehicles and left the premises. A clean getaway!