Those of you who have read my many posts about my hot trophy wife have a favorable impression of her, no doubt, due to my propaganda on her behalf. And, she is a pretty nice lady, I admit. My posts are all accurate as far as they go. However, after what happened today, I feel compelled to tell you the rest of the story.
Today, she denigrated one of my dreams.
I do not actually gamble on sports even though I am an expert on football and basketball. Lest you think I am bragging, I hereby reveal to you that, through my participation in Yahoo Sports College Pick Em, I have an excellent record of predicting winners, putting me in the 90th percentile and above, even as high as the 99th percentile in one NCAA Basketball tournament a few years ago.
No brag. Just fact.
Now that you know that, you will see how foolishly impractical it was for Miss Sugar to say what she did this very day.
“Sugar,” sez I, “I had a pretty good week in Yahoo College Football Pick Em.”
“That’s nice, Honey,” she said. (She did not yet grasp the significance of what I just mentioned so casually or else her enthusiasm would have been uncontainable. Still, I played it cool. Let it sink in.)
“So, I was thinking, me being so superior to the general public and all, I should quit my day job and become a professional gambler. All I need is a stake and our Individual Retirement Accounts are just sitting there when I could use that money to make our lives better immediately, not in the far off future.” (I was using psychology to persuade her by appealing to a desire for immediate gratification and to greed.)
Apparently, Sugar lacks those particular character flaws because she threw cold water on my idea, on my dreams.
She said, subtly, yet emphatically, “No, I don’t think so.”
I see what is going on here. She is jealous of my skills and is holding me back from riches. She might be insecure and fear that when we are extraordinarily wealthy, spending time in Las Vegas engaged in high dollar gambling activities, the show girls there will flock around me.
She need not worry. I already have a hot trophy wife.* **
P.S. I have got the Broncos over the Colts by 10. Game starts in 30 minutes. Get your bets in. No charge for the tip.
P.P.S. Update: the Colts won. I guess it is good I did not bet the farm on the Broncos as I intended.
*To quote Paul Newman: “Why go out for hamburger when I have steak at home?”
** Do you think any of them show girls used to be Miss Texas? Not a chance!