My Path to Becoming a Tycoon
I thought it would be fun to be a philanthropist, donating millions of dollars to charitable causes. I was thinking that some or all of the many recipients of my generosity would likely name a stadium or even a library after me. The trouble is, one needs a large amount of money to be a genuine philanthropist.
First things first is a sensible saying. Apparently, the beneficiaries of my largess desire actual monetary gifts rather than simple good wishes and ambitious intentions. So, it has become necessary for me to become a tycoon. If you don’t know the definition of tycoon, please look it up.
Here is where I need some guidance. I’m thinking of modeling myself after J.R. Ewing, the legendary oilman. It seems faster than building a railroad in order to become a railroad magnate. Also, the sheiks in the Mideast seem to be doing well. Oil, that’s the ticket!
It makes a lot of sense for me to get into the oil business. After all, my wife, Sugar appeared on Dallas. Over 18 episodes, she got acquainted with Larry Hagman aka J.R. She probably picked up lots of tips. One tip I learned from watching the TV show is that it is important to be a member of the Oil Baron Club and attend the Oil Barons’ Ball. I already have a cowboy hat that would look good at the ball. Plus, Miss Sugar already knows everybody in Texas.
This ain’t Texas, however, there are some oil wells here in Colorado too. All I have to do is put a few in our pasture. Passive income here I come!
I ran into a slight problem, a mere detail, that might slow my plan. The title work to our ranch reveals that a hundred and thirty years ago, Union Pacific Railroad received the original land grant from the U.S. Government and then sold the land but retained the mineral rights. Now it looks like I might have to acquire Union Pacific Railroad after all.
Getting to be a tycoon is more difficult than I expected. I will have to borrow a little to get the funds to buy Union Pacific. But, don’t worry, I will gladly pay you back out of the profits. I will probably give you extra. I’m a generous philanthropist, you will recall. Or, fixin’ to become one at least.
If, in gratitude, you decide to erect a statue of me, I will understand. I merely ask that the likeness does me justice. And tell the sculptor to take his or her time. The Crazy Horse Monument has been worked on for sixty years. Of course, if it takes that long for mine, I might not make it to the Grand Opening Ceremony.
We will have to cross that bridge when we come to it.
P.S. Don’t tell Sugar what I am up to. I want to surprise her.