My mother-in-law is a pretty nice lady, but today I am ashamed of her. I am so ashamed that I hesitate to publish on the internet the gravity of her sin. Grave sin! (What other kind is there? Oh, venial and mortal. Well, this is clearly not venial, so there you have it.)
Now that I have your attention, I will explain my shame and put to an end further speculation. What is so unpardonable? I will tell you and you will be equally repulsed if you are a true American. If you are not a true American, you might not be repulsed. Or, you might just be a girl.
My wife Sugar is just a girl, yet she handled her mother’s sinful remark (which I am about to get to) in a manner that validated my involvement with the National Football League. At least some of my investment of time has rubbed off on Sugar.
Ginger, who claims to be Sugar’s mother, learned from Sugar the Facebook news that a cousin of Sugar had a baby and that these parents named the baby Peyton. So far so good. Then Ginger said what caused me to lose all respect for her.
Ginger said, “I have never heard of naming a little boy Peyton.”
Thankfully, Sugar informed her that Archie Manning and his wife named one of their sons Peyton. You can look it up! It is true!
I hasten to speculate that in Indianapolis, in every classroom of thirty kids, at least five of them are named Peyton. In Colorado, every boy born in the past two years has been named Peyton, with very few exceptions.
I am thinking of changing my name to Peyton. I am trying to convince my brother, Johnny Unitas, to change his name to Eli.