Superbowling Without Me
Many of you dear readers are aware of my status as an undrafted, unsigned NFL free agent awaiting that call from the Broncos. Well, sad to say, my status has changed because I have had to put myself on the injured reserve list due to a non-football related knee injury. To be competitive in the Super Bowl, I really need full mobility, espectially the ability to make quick lateral cuts, which ability I now lack.
How, you ask out of grave concern, did I injure my right knee?
It is kind of embarrassing. Many consider swimming to be a safe sport. However, for those of us at the elite level, the act of kicking displaces so much water that something has to give. I am a swimmer with special power it seems. I entered the pool on Friday and swam a couple laps of butterfly, a difficult stroke requiring extraordinary coordination so as to execute the technique. Then I swam a couple laps of freestyle, cutting through the water with grace and speed. Next I started my specialty, breaststroke, which employs a frog kick or whip kick. As you know, one’s knees move laterally and then come together. On Friday, my usually compliant knees decided they could go up and down but they drew the line at going sideways and back together for in the process of swimming breaststroke, my right knee gave up and gave out.
I blame my wife and mother. Sugar dropped me off at the pool. She said that I needed to get back in my routine so that I can again swim in the Senior Olympics and qualify for the national championships, again. My mother always asks me if I have been exercising. Pushy broads!
I hope that they are happy now that I am too crippled to play for the Broncos in the Super Bowl. I wonder how they are going to explain that to Peyton Manning, John Elway, John Fox and millions of Bronco fans.
I wonder how they are going to explain my injury to the Senior Olympic Committee and the Senior World Games folks and all Americans counting on me.
Tomorrow I am going to see Dr. Gersoff, the orthopedic specialist for many professional athletes. He has photos in his waiting room of Bronco players and Avalanche players and Olympic skiers and such. I might be his first swimmer. I better bring him an autographed photo of me in a Speedo, suitable for framing.