NO, BUT THANKS FOR ASKING!
Sugar got an appointment for me with Dr. Gersoff at 11:30 a.m. this morning. He sent me to the hospital for an M.R.I. of my critically injured right knee. Then I was to return to his office. I appreciated that he did not just send me for the M.R.I., wait for the report, then have me come back on another day to go over it. I think I know what is going on. I suspect that Coach Fox and V.P. Elway pressured him to expedite getting me back in action. He did not say that specifically, but I could see it in his eyes.
At the hospital, I had to go to admissions even for just a test. For some reason, they were interested in my health insurance and even called to get the M.R.I. authorized. CIGNA must be staffed by Bronco fans because the M.R.I. was approved immediately. Thanks Coach Fox.
So for the paperwork, the hospital lady asked my occupation, to which I answered that I am an unsigned NFL free agent, and then Sugar rudely interjected, “He is delusional. Put down that he is a lawyer.” I don’t know what the lady actually put down, but since I was wearing a Bronco jersey, and am the perfect size for an NFL linebacker, I have a funny feeling that she put down both occupations, which is accurate. I don’t understand why Sugar called me delusional because it is true that I am, at the present time, unsigned by any NFL team.
The admitting lady told me the MRI was approved (surprise!) and led me to the Imaging Department. There, I was presented with more paperwork, handed to me on a clipboard. It was very intrusive. There were questions about many health issues, such as whether I have metal anywhere in my body, including bullets, probably because metal would affect the Magnetic Resonance Imaging machine. As I stood in my gym shorts, I think I know what caused them ask this question: Do you have a penile implant?
So I wrote as my answer, “No, but thanks for asking. Everybody wonders about that, but truly, it is all natural.” Sugar felt that a simple “no” would have sufficed. I was chuckling as I handed back the clipboard. The lady behind the desk was not amused, but I crack me up.
After the M.R.I., they burned a copy on a disk for me to take back to Dr. Gersoff.
Dr. Gersoff showed me that my meniscuses (mesici?) are pretty much shot, that I have bone spurs, that I have reactive bone growth or something like that, and that I had a bunch of fluid, causing swelling.
So he put a big needle in my knee and filled two syringes with the bloody fluid (100 c.c), and then he injected some medicine, cortisone, I think. I hope it is not a steroid that will affect my eligibility for either the NFL or the Olympics.
He told me I could hold off on the artificial knee replacement, but to take it easy for a few days.
He did not say it during the appointment, but I expect that he will tell Coach Fox that I will be ready for the Super Bowl in two weeks.
Put me in, Coach! (I am willing to sign a one game contract.)