Shootin' the Breeze

and random targets


Sugar got an appointment for me with Dr. Gersoff at 11:30 a.m. this morning.  He sent me to the hospital for an M.R.I. of my critically injured right knee.  Then I was to return to his office.  I appreciated that he did not just send me for the M.R.I., wait for the report, then have me come back on another day to go over it.  I think I know what is going on.  I suspect that Coach Fox and V.P. Elway pressured him to expedite getting me back in action.  He did not say that specifically, but I could see it in his eyes.

At the hospital, I had to go to admissions even for just a test.  For some reason, they were interested in my health insurance and even called to get the M.R.I. authorized.  CIGNA must be staffed by Bronco fans because the M.R.I. was approved immediately.  Thanks Coach Fox.

So for the paperwork, the hospital lady asked my occupation, to which I answered that I am an unsigned NFL free agent, and then Sugar rudely interjected, “He is delusional.  Put down that he is a lawyer.”  I don’t know what the lady actually put down, but since I was wearing a Bronco jersey, and am the perfect size for an NFL linebacker, I have a funny feeling that she put down both occupations, which is accurate.  I don’t understand why Sugar called me delusional because it is true that I am, at the present time, unsigned by any NFL team. 

The admitting lady told me the MRI was approved (surprise!) and led me to the Imaging Department.  There, I was presented with more paperwork, handed to me on a clipboard.  It was very intrusive.  There were questions about many health issues, such as whether I have metal anywhere in my body, including bullets, probably because metal would affect the Magnetic Resonance Imaging machine.  As I stood in my gym shorts, I think I know what caused them ask this question:  Do you have a penile implant?

So I wrote as my answer, “No, but thanks for asking.  Everybody wonders about that, but truly, it is all natural.”  Sugar felt that a simple “no” would have sufficed.  I was chuckling as I handed back the clipboard.  The lady behind the desk was not amused, but I crack me up.

After the M.R.I., they burned a copy on a disk for me to take back to Dr. Gersoff.

Dr. Gersoff showed me that my meniscuses (mesici?) are pretty much shot, that I have bone spurs, that I have reactive bone growth or something like that, and that I had a bunch of fluid, causing swelling.

So he put a big needle in my knee and filled two syringes with the bloody fluid (100 c.c), and then he injected some medicine, cortisone, I think.  I hope it is not a steroid that will affect my eligibility for either the NFL or the Olympics. 

He told me I could hold off on the artificial knee replacement, but to take it easy for a few days. 

He did not say it during the appointment, but I expect that he will tell Coach Fox that I will be ready for the Super Bowl in two weeks.   

Put me in, Coach!  (I am willing to sign a one game contract.)


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7 thoughts on “NO, BUT THANKS FOR ASKING!

  1. You poor man. All this suffering just to get in the NFL — where you will get even more joint injuries.

    “I don’t understand why Sugar called me delusional because it is true that I am, at the present time, unsigned by any NFL team.”

    It would take a lawyer to come up with that one.

  2. I can see that you and Miss Sugar wear boots. Lots of $#__ piling up!! LOL!!

  3. Take the doctor’s advice and rest up that knee. My baby sister had a total knee replacement in late November and it is still very painful. Lucky for you your insurance covered the MRI. My sister has given up (since 1 Jan 14) on the post surgery physical therapy due to the high cost. Seems her deductible is now over $10,000; all of which has to be paid before the first dime from the insurance. Tough to do when you are out of work on temporary disability, getting a 60% paycheck. Had she had the surgery earlier in 2013; her much smaller deductible would have already been met, the Physical therapy ($100 per visit) covered with a small co-pay; and she would have had a much better outcome….but hey; she got to KEEP her insurance thanks to MR. OBAMA…. Sad situation. Maybe the NFL would pick up her costs…..

  4. Hahaha… classic. MRI is a super strong magnet. Metal in the body can actually be ripped out by it.

    Guess that would make anything metal in a penile pump a… painful experience.

  5. Ron barnett on said:

    Hi Alan,
    Glad to learn your MRI indicated you can with go surgery. Coach Fox will be relieved that you are available if needed. Betty, too, was worried about the prospect of you having to undergo surgery at this time. She can now refile that worry back in her future worry file. Important to know about the danger of having a MRI after having penile injection. I’ve noted that danger in my health file under medical risks.

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