Courtroom Decorum

I was in court today, waiting in the courtroom with my client for the 2:00 p.m. docket.  The judge had not yet emerged to “take the bench” as they say.

Apparently, my client was nervous, or had a lunch that wasn’t sitting right, or a combination.  Regardless of the cause, the result was gastric turbulence.  My client loudly expelled gas.  Use your imagination based on your own life experiences.

The sound reverberated throughout the somber, heretofore quiet, room.  It was noticed by all therein.

Since the judge was not yet in the courtroom, I, as an officer of the court by virtue of my admission to the bar, stepped in, and declared, as I have heard judges pound their gavels and say, “Order in the Court!”

I did not have a gavel, but my words rang out clearly because the room was uncomfortably silent.  All present heard my authoritative voice use that well-known legal phrase, “Order in the Court!”

My client, already uncomfortably embarrassed, cracked up. 

Contagious laughter erupted.  Embarrassed laughter.  I joined in.

Sometimes, I crack myself up with my subtle, dry, junior high humor.

You shoulda been there.  You would have cracked up too.

It is a good thing the judge was not present.  I could have been held in contempt.

My client is probably looking for a new lawyer even as you read these words.  That’s okay.  I will likely be a judge soon anyway.  I’ve got a flair for it. 

P.S. My friend Terry had a great idea. He said that after saying “Order in the Court,” I should have added, “One more outburst like that and we will clear this courtroom!” I wish I had thought of it at the time.

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