In a number of other posts, I have humbly mentioned my status in the N.F.L. as a temporarily unsigned free agent. I have, among other things, noted the scientific truth that I was formerly the ideal height (6’2″)and weight (247 lbs.)for an N.F.L. linebacker. Then I updated you all with the recent confession that I have slipped down to a lithe 222 lbs. Now I have to make up with quickness and strength what I have lost in bulk.
But wait! There is another option. That option is to change positions. It has been called to my attention that at the N.F.L. Scouting Combine being held in Indianapolis as I write these words, one of the many tests and measurements is the size of a prospect’s hands. Although not all quarterbacks have the same size hands, the evaluators have determined that there is a certain size hand that is advantageous for an N.F.L. quarterback. There was even an article about how they measure hands at the combine. It gave the sizes of hands of various great quarterbacks.
You guessed it — my hands are the perfect size for an N.F.L. quarterback. Surprise, surprise. Problem solved!
Pictured above on the right: the PERFECT SIZE hand for an NFL QUARTERBACK (by contrast, Miss Sugar’s hands, while suitable for her feminine activities, lack the size for her to realistically compete in the N.F.L.) This is a scientific fact. No brag, just fact.
Life in My Gym
Dr. Lynn writes a blog that I follow called Life in the Gym. She knows about exercise and stuff. She also writes excellent political commentary. She is a smart lady. Now let’s talk about me and my gym.
I go there enough that I have learned the names of several of the employees. One of them is Aaron.
Aaron and I talk about various things. I have learned that he is from Texas. I too have been to Texas. (I married a gal from there). I have complained to Aaron that some JV athletes are using the varsity locker room. (I am really funny because there is only one men’s locker room and we are no longer in high school.) Aaron humors me by promising to look into the situation. I have made him keenly aware of my status as an unsigned NFL free agent and he is under strict instructions that if John Elway calls the gym to talk to me about signing with the Broncos, Aaron is to interrupt me even if I am bench-pressing several hundred pounds. He promises. I have requested heavier weights suitable for an athlete of my stature. He cheerfully assures me that he will see what he can do about the inadequate equipment.
Aaron is not a personal trainer. He is the guy who brings clean towels to the locker room. He might be a custodian and maintenance man. He is a hard worker.
Aaron also does other important tasks. I have seen him on several occasions help a gym member who is in a wheelchair. Aaron helps the man put his clothes in a locker. He goes out on the gym floor with the man. Aaron helps him get set up at a station where the man can work the weight machine from his wheelchair, exercising his arms. Aaron adjusts the settings on the machine. Then he helps the man get changed in the locker room. But he does more than assist him. I like hearing how Aaron and this member talk like the friends they have become. Aaron has a compassionate heart.
Aaron works at my gym. I like his smile. I like his style. I like him. I nominate him for M.V.P.