In a number of other posts, I have humbly mentioned my status in the N.F.L. as a temporarily unsigned free agent. I have, among other things, noted the scientific truth that I was formerly the ideal height (6’2″)and weight (247 lbs.)for an N.F.L. linebacker. Then I updated you all with the recent confession that I have slipped down to a lithe 222 lbs. Now I have to make up with quickness and strength what I have lost in bulk.
But wait! There is another option. That option is to change positions. It has been called to my attention that at the N.F.L. Scouting Combine being held in Indianapolis as I write these words, one of the many tests and measurements is the size of a prospect’s hands. Although not all quarterbacks have the same size hands, the evaluators have determined that there is a certain size hand that is advantageous for an N.F.L. quarterback. There was even an article about how they measure hands at the combine. It gave the sizes of hands of various great quarterbacks.
You guessed it — my hands are the perfect size for an N.F.L. quarterback. Surprise, surprise. Problem solved!
Pictured above on the right: the PERFECT SIZE hand for an NFL QUARTERBACK (by contrast, Miss Sugar’s hands, while suitable for her feminine activities, lack the size for her to realistically compete in the N.F.L.) This is a scientific fact. No brag, just fact.