So this guy wearing cowboy boots (spoiler alert) went to the rural post office and went in to get his mail. Coming out, he slipped on ice and fell hard on his left side.
A young man who saw the fall picked up the mail and asked, “Are you okay?”
The ruggedly handsome cowboy on the ground bravely responded, “I don’t know yet. Let me lay here a spell.”
Then, heroically, with no regard for his personal safety, the cowboy grabbed the hand rail over his head and pulled himself up by a display of extraordinary strength.
Others in the parking lot witnessed the effort and came over to steady the huge mountain of a man, who looked like an NFL linebacker or at least an unsigned free agent.
As the little people attempted to hold him up, the tough cowboy, well, I hate to say it, fainted. and the well-meaning citizens could not hold him up, so he awoke after a few seconds on the ground again.
Someone said, “We better call 911.”
“No, just help me to my car please.”
They did both. He made it to his car with assistance. It was maybe 30 feet. At the same time, some tattletale called 911.
Soon emergency personnel, EMTs or whatever, arrived and checked him out. No, he did not hit his head. Yes, he knew the day of the week, date of the month, year and who the President is. Yes, he could move his toes. No, it did not hurt too much when the fella pushed on his hip. It was noted that the courageous cowboy refused an ambulance ride. There was much muttering. “I thought John Wayne was dead,” someone remarked.
They watched him drive away. Not into the sunset, as it was morning, but away. Away to his ranch, where he got out of the car to open the gate, got back in, drove to the barn, got back out, watered the horses, tossed out a couple bales of hay, got back into the car, and then drove 25 miles to get crutches at a pharmacy. Then, legend has it, this amazing man, drove another 25 miles and used the crutches to get into the house, pulling up four steps. Some say it was 50 steps, but that is an exaggeration.
His wife, from Texas, came to the house later. She said, “It probably is not broken or you would be in more pain and could not do all that you did. I broke my ankle that time and it really hurt. Look, your hip is not even bruised. Don’t be a pussy.”
By all accounts, the uninjured fall victim used the crutches to assist in his mobility the rest of the day, night, and through the next morning. His wife then suggested going to urgent care to get an x-ray, just in case, because the pussy was avoiding putting weight on the unbruised and unbroken left leg, relying too much on the crutches.
According to the national news reports, the cowboy and his wife, whom we shall call Miss Texas, drove through Wendy’s on the way to urgent care. He ate a Dave’s cheeseburger and had a chocolate Frosty around noon.
Urgent Care suggested just going to the hospital for x rays because if there is a fracture, that would be the place to go to anyway. So, they went to the hospital ER, got x rays, were told the left femur (whatever that is) was “fractured” (see, it was not broken) and would need to be pinned. The patient having just eaten, the surgery was delayed.
Later there was a change of plans. The trauma surgeon saw the x- rays and recommended a total hip replacement because the angle was wrong for just a pin, leaving a high risk of failure. He said the surgery would be the next morning. It was.
In hindsight, I see that I probably should have accepted the ambulance ride from the post office. Maybe next time.