Shootin' the Breeze

and random targets

Archive for the category “romance”

Kim K Copies My Fashion

kim-kardashian-torn-jeans

Very recently, I saw a photo of Kim Kardashian wearing jeans with holes in the areas of her thighs and knees.  My first thought was that she must be bucking bales of hay because I have over the years had many pairs of jeans with that exact same look.  I suspect that Kim and other fashion leaders noticed me at the feed store or while I was doing chores.  I know I look good in jeans, but I always believed women were studying my Wrangler butt.  Apparently, they study my thighs as well.

Here is how to get holes in the thigh area of one’s jeans.  As you lift bales of hay, use your leg to help bring the bales to your middle area immediately prior to using your arms to lift the bales above your waist or even head, depending upon how high you are stacking the bales or throwing them onto the hay wagon as another person standing on the wagon aka hay rack (as in hay rack ride), to stack bales there.  I perfected the technique as a young teen trying to keep up with older fellas picking up hay bales from the field and then handling them again to stack the bales in the hay loft of the barn.  “More bales!” we would yell, implying that the other cowboys were not keeping up with our respective selves, the superior workers.

Kim did not explain the worn-out jeans that she was wearing so she might not want me to explain the process of achieving that look.  She does not seem the type to throw bales of hay, but now you know.  I see her in a whole different light.  What a hard-working cowgirl!  I had previously thought she shopped on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills or Hollywood or wherever it is.  I do suggest she get more sensible footware.  I wear cowboy boots.  They have heels, but not spindly ones such as Kim wears above.  I doubt she wore those shoes in the hay fields.

I hesitate to publish this because I fear that a bunch of California girls will be contacting me to ask about stacking hay bales.  I will have to reject their assistance.  After all, I am married to Miss Texas and she looks good in her jeans with or without holes in the thighs.  Kim could learn a lot from Miss Texas but I wonder if she is capable of grasping what Miss Texas knows.  Miss Texas is way out of Kim’s league.

Modeling

scamp bowing

Take a bow, Miss Texas!  (I doubt Kim can ride a trick horse).

Miss Sugar Goes to Court

tomei

As a prerequisite to reading this post, one is required to view the movie, My Cousin Vinny, so as to understand my comparison of Miss Sugar to the role played by Marisa Tormei in that film.  I think she won an Academy Award.

So, today Sugar went to Small Claims Court as a plaintiff in a landlord-tenant dispute.  The judge did not allow me to act as her attorney.

As her own advocate, Sugar was very cute.  I sat in awe at the force of her personality.  From the witness chair she ordered the defendant to stop rolling his eyes as she spoke.  She impeached the credibility of his testimony by playing a voice message he left, proving his denial on the stand was indeed untruthful.  .You would not want to be him going against her.  As Muhammad   Ali once said about an opponent, “I pity the fool.”

At one point in her testimony, she wept — sincerely and appropriately.  That is a tactic I have never tried.

To paraphrase Jim Croce:  “You don’t tug on Superman’s cape.  You don’t spit into the wind.  You don’t pull the mask off of the Lone Ranger.  And you don’t mess around with Miss Sugar.

olddays

Dream Date

He was clutching a handful of cash.  He looked happy as he walked away from the bank teller.  He came over to where I was sitting in the bank lobby and I commented that it looked like he had lots of money.

“I do have a lot of money,” he agreed.

“Do you have plans for how you want to spend all that money?” I asked.

He grinned.  “I am going on a date.”

“That sounds like fun.”  He agreed and volunteered to tell me about the planned date.

The young man appeared to be about high school age.  He has Down’s Syndrome.  I wondered if he was going to prom.

“We are going to Olive Garden restaurant to eat and then we are going to a movie at the brand new movie theater and then we are going to watch the sunset.”

“Wow.  That will be a wonderful date.”

“Yes.  I always wanted a girlfriend who has cowboy boots and a cowboy hat.”

“Do you have boots and a hat?”  I asked because he was not wearing any.

“Yes.  I like horses too.”

“I do too.  I have some horses.”

“Oh.  What are their names?”

I told him our horses names and then asked him the name of his girlfriend.

“I don’t know her name yet because I have not met her but when I do we will go on a date.”

His mother had overheard our conversation and smiled about it.

I got kinda choked up.  That is a nice young man who knows what he wants.  He has goals about getting a girlfriend who meets his criteria and has planned out a wonderful date night.  Lucky girl!

 

War of the Winds Again

The flames fascinate,
Bringing comfort
As I contemplate,
Staring at the fire.
                           Winds rudely attack
                           My reverie,
By a chilly draft
Tresspassing inside.
Noisy blowing cold,
Unrelenting,
Being too bold
Invading our home.
                              Logs and chinking
                               And metal roof
                               Try protecting
                                 Us from this weather.
Some windows rattle.
Walls are shaking.
It’s a battle,
Testing our shelter.
                                   Like evil v. good,
                                   Hostile forces
                                   War with the wood
                                    In our fiery stove.
Burning wood’s heat
Challenges wind
As they compete
On temperature.
                                  The brave cabin
                                   Resists the force
                                   As we stay in —
                                    Safe from blowing rage.
 With loud gales outside,
My wife hugs me,
Snuggling by my side.
I don’t mind the wind.

fireplace

Taking Turns Riding Shotgun

Last night, I heard a song with the phrase, “Taking turns riding shotgun.”  (It was a country song).  It struck a chord in me.  I plagiarized it as part of my love note to my wife on her Valentine card this morning.

Romance is wonderful.  It is fun.  It feels good.  People love feeling loved.  Infatuation is exciting.  But romance alone is not enough to sustain a marriage.

I married a pretty lady from Texas.  I call her my hot trophy wife because she looks like the beauty queen she once was.  It was easy to fall for her.  But calling her a trophy wife is shallow of me.  Sugar is anything but shallow.  She is a force to be reckoned with.

I like to think that I am tough.  I like the role of being a protector.  I have seen too many Western movies.  In the West, we use phrases like “I’ve got your back.”  That refers to literally watching out for the other person so no one else shoots them from behind, or, symbolically watching out for the other person by being loyal.

Sugar is tough.  She does not look very tough, but inside she bravely handles adversity.   She overcomes.  She is loyal.

On the stagecoaches in the Old West, there was a man sitting next to the driver who was “riding shotgun.”  The person riding shotgun could shoot at anyone attacking the stage while the driver concentrated on driving the team.  Maybe they took turns.

In marriage,  we need to protect each other.  We might play different roles and do the protecting in different ways, but each partner “rides shotgun” for the other.  Taking turns.

karenandalparty

 

 

She Said Yes

Shootin' the Breeze

Back a spell, Miss Sugar got married with me.  It was a way better deal for me than for her, but I reckon it is her own fault.  Caveat emptor (let the buyer beware), as they say.  A deal is a deal.

Anyways, we made a deal, vows actually, so she is stuck with me, which I am very glad about.  I am so glad about it that I want to celebrate.  I’m asking her out on a date because today is our very anniversary.  I hope she says, “Yes.”

I think she might.  I remember the first time I asked her to go on a date.  She said “Yes.”

I remember when I proposed.  She said “Yes.”

If she had not said “Yes” to those invitations many years ago, I would have kept trying.  But since she did say “Yes,” my life became infinitely better.

My life became infinitely better years…

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Winning Miss Texas

ModelingThis bears repeating….

Shootin' the Breeze

This is a poem that was first published in The Fence Post magazine several years ago.   Karen, aka Sugar, my wife, was the Miss USA pageant beauty queen, but I like to say that I won Miss Texas

WINNING MISS TEXAS

Beauty on the outside

Is not the only kind.

There also is an inside

With heart and soul and mind.

 

Miss Texas won the looks event

And deserved it for obvious reasons,

But my vote today is really meant

For a beauty that’s even more pleasin’.

 

My Miss Texas wins another class,

One judged on inner quality.

She has more than just a nice ass.

Her heart is willing to love me.

 

I love her loving heart so much!

I admire her talents, I do!

There’s more than looks, there’s also touch

And I’m glad to say she can cook too!

karenandalpartySugarnme

UsSantaFe

valentine date

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Miss Sugar Visits The Line Shack

lineshacklonely

In many of my previous posts, I have alluded to the fact that Miss Sugar, my hot trophy wife, is a feminine female.  She has another side.  (When I say another side, I am not referring to Bruce/Caitlyn Jenner’s two sides.)  I am saying that Sugar is sort of a Tom-boy in that she is fun to hang out with and do stuff that two middle school boys would enjoy.  Tonight we had a little adventure.  It was an adventure which many women might not have considered fun, or so Sugar tells me.  She suggested that not all women would have fun hiking past two dead cows to get to an old line shack far from civilization.  Do you think she is pulling my leg?  I invite comments from my readership on this question about what women like because I thought I am an expert on the subject until Sugar shook my confidence.  So, dear readers, even if other women would not have enjoyed this adventure, at least Miss Sugar did.  Or so she told me.

Now I will describe the adventure.  But first I will describe the setting.

We live only about twenty miles from the metropolis of Fort Collins, Colorado, rich in Old West lore.  Our little ranch is adjacent to a 16,000 acre ranch that goes back 143 years, still in the same family.  We are the last place on the road we live on, which means we had to put in several power poles to bring electricity to where it had not previously extended.  Prior to building our house, only buffalo, pronghorns, deer, elk and, later, cows occupied the land.  Beyond us is open range, which means there are no fences.  Cattle cross the road when and where they please.  Drivers must beware.  Cattle and wildlife have the right-of-way.  The Overland Trail passes through the historic ranch as well.

James Michener’s book, Centennial, describes the area and when the TV mini-series based on the book was filmed, many scenes were on the ranch.  (Remember, no electric poles and lines spoil the view).  My friend Rodney was an extra in the series, cast as an Indian riding a horse.  This was an area which was indeed Indian hunting grounds.  There are teepee rings near our home.  Teepee rings are in clusters, indicating a portable village was in the area where the buffalo truly roamed. The grass in our pasture is a species known as buffalo grass.  There is a buffalo jump on the ranch.  The Indians would run a herd off a cliff and butcher them at the bottom.  The ASPCA would not endorse this technique.

Cattle replaced the buffalo.  The ranches were so huge that the cowboys charged with taking care of the herd could not easily go to town, or even to the main ranch.  So little cabins known as line shacks would be roughly built for the cowboys who had to stay with the herd in winter months, sometimes snowed in.

A few miles from our house, on the open range, we came across an old log cabin with only one window in each of two walls and no windows on the other two walls.  It appears to be an old line shack.  It fits the need of providing shelter in a very remote pasture close to a stream of water and protected from the west wind by a hill.  It is far from any grocery store.

Of course, we could not drive up to it because it is off the county road.  We had to hike.

On our hike we passed two dead cows.  All that is left is hide and bones.  And the putrid smell of death.  I think the coyotes did their job as scavengers.  Miss Sugar held her nose and hiked on.  She brought her camera.  She looked inside the shack and inside the barn.  Here is a photo she took.

line shack

So, if you are looking for ideas for a Saturday date night, take your date to an old line shack rather than dinner and a movie.

lineshackal

In My Dreams…

In her dreams she envisions a place

Where artists can display their work

Where art classes are taught

Where art supplies are provided

And the produced art is sold

To patrons who sip sweet tea,

Or lemonade or espresso

As they make their selections

Not just on First Friday Gallery Walks

But daily.

So we found a place

And signed the papers

And started moving in.

My wife has the vision.

I drive the truck

And load and unload

And put up displays

For my wife, the visionary artist,

Because that is what

A husband is supposed to do,

For it is more than supporting

Dreams of my creative wife;

The real truth about marriage is —

In my dreams, her dreams come true!

Sugarnme

One-Conditional Love

Loving innocents,

such as babies and pets,

comes naturally.

It is unconditional love

we feel for our newborn children.

They did not earn our love.

They have it automatically.

I expect more from adults.

My love has one condition —

that they love me back.

A one-sided romance

is impossible.

That is called delusion.

Obsession is not love.

Mutual love is healthy.

God loves us as His children

no matter what, offering forgiveness.

I am not God.

I am less than God

so I require more in return.

I expect fellow humans,

such as adult family members

and friends,

to love me back

and to be loyal

or my love fades.

That is my one condition.

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