Shootin' the Breeze

and random targets

Archive for the tag “Broncos”

Not Impressed

Last week, I went swimming at the rec center.  I was doing butterfly stroke, the Fly, flyin’ through the water.

When I stopped at the end of the lane after a lap, or half a lap, a young boy, appearing about ten or eleven, was standing on the deck of the pool, above me.

He said, “That was some good swimming!  I saw that in the Olympics.  Were you in the Olympics?”

I said, “Thanks.  I was in the Senior Olympics.”

He looked at me with obvious disappointment.

“Oh,” he said and walked away.  I guess my answer was not what he hoped for.

Me neither.  It was not the answer I wish I could give.

If given another chance, so as not to disappoint any young admirers, I will say, “Yes, I was in the Olympics.  Would you like my autograph?”

I might add, with feigned humility, “I also play for the Broncos.  I left my Super Bowl ring in the locker so I won’t lose it in the pool.”

That would make the kid’s day, to meet someone as admirable as me.

It would make my day too.

P.S.  I thought of how to sign my autograph — Walter Mitty.

Top Bronco Fan Status

My wife, Miss Sugar, is a generous and creative person.

But now let’s talk about me, me, me.  I might have mentioned in other posts that I am an avid Bronco fan (and unsigned NFL free agent to be signed by the Broncos at a future date which has not yet been disclosed).  I have an official NFL jersey identical to that worn by Peyton Manning.  I have a Broncos T shirt.  I have an NFL Players Association shirt obtained in connection with service on the NFLPA Workers Compensation Panel.  I am, as you should have discerned, a pretty big deal.

Sugar is an enabler.  She contributes to my delusions.  Last week she gave me an early Valentine present — a unique silver cuff made by a Navajo artist.  Sugar commissioned the piece of jewelry pictured below.  It was made for me, me, me.  No one else has one like it.  It features the Bronco logo of a horse head.  It is beautiful.  By wearing it, I am automatically the coolest Bronco fan, thanks to Sugar.

IMG_1624

When I am ultimately signed by the Broncos, I will show it to my teammates.  They will be envious.  But I am used to that.

Wait until they see my hot trophy wife.

Now the problem is — what can I get Sugar for Valentine’s Day?

Monday Morning Quarterbacking

As everyone in the civilized world is aware from watching the game yesterday, the Colts knocked the Broncos out of the playoffs. Unless you live in Indianapolis, you are severely depressed by the outcome of that game. And you are concerned about the future of Peyton Manning. So am I.

Of the millions of you who watched the game and noticed that I was not playing in the game, few have contacted me directly, yet I have a feeling that everyone is wondering why I was not out there on the field. Two words: bum knees. Those bum knees prevented me from turning the tide, as all of you were waiting for me to do. I apologize to each and every one of you on this very public forum. I was not at the stadium. I was 75 miles away, on a couch, eating snacks. The snacks were delicious, provided by our host and hostess who invited us to watch the game at their home, knowing about our house fire and consequential lack of a TV.

I do not know whether I will be in the NFL next year. Like Peyton Manning, I am considering retiring from professional football. I want to be able to contribute 100%. It is frustrating for me to be on injured reserve status.

My most loyal fan, Miss Sugar, is not pushing me to decide immediately. She is willing to let me work out in the off-season before making a press announcement. If I have the recommended double knee replacement surgery, I might, after physical therapy, regain my pre-injury speed. But don’t count on it. It is a day to day decision.

If you spot Peyton and me playing checkers in the park, you will read into that the answer to all this speculation about our potential respective retirements. I will likely decide that if Peyton will not be playing, then I will not play either.

Spoiled Cats

cats on hike

Miss Sugar goes overboard in every endeavor.  Most recently, she provided to our barn cats what no other barn cat in the history of the world has ever possessed — a heated blanket in a box, which is elevated on a platform, which is accessed by a ramp, which is in a stall in the barn, and because it is in a stall, requires an extension cord from the electric blanket in the stall to a GFI plug twenty feet away.  Also on the platform, which prevents trespassing by dogs, who cannot go up the narrow ramp, nor under the stall door, there are food bowls, in which she puts formerly dry food which has warm water added to make it more appealing.

Sometimes I feed the cats.  Unlike Sugar, I put some dog food in their bowls.  No, I do not bring warm water from the house to the barn.  So call the Humane Society.  They will give Sugar an award and me a citation which I will vigorously defend by calling as defense witnesses several neighboring ranchers who will describe that I am complying with the standard of care for barn cats.

The Morning After

Yesterday was, as every real American knows, the Super Bowl.

This morning I awoke in a cold, dark place.  I was still wearing my Bronco jersey.  It was dripping with sweat.  I was curled in a fetal position. 

“Al, don’t you have to be in court today?” Sugar disturbed my focus on my deep depression.

“Sugar, I am sure the courthouse will be closed and the flags at half mast on this sad day.  Remember, the Broncos lost the game.  I am in mourning.”

“Well, maybe the judge and your client and opposing counsel did not take it as hard as you have.”

“How dare you, woman!  Of course they feel as sad as I do.  I am in no condition to be in court.  I have to watch the game films.  I have to talk to Coach Fox about my role on next year’s team.  Peyton and Champ won’t retire and neither will I.  We are a team.”

“Well, they probably got out of bed and in case the judge did too, maybe you should swing by the courthouse on your way to Bronco headquarters at Dove Valley.  You know, to verify that the courthouse is closed.”

So I went to the courthouse wearing my official NFL-licensed Peyton Manning Bronco jersey — #18.  To my surprise, it was open.  I went to the courtroom where my case was to be heard.  The judge was in his robes.  Opposing counsel was wearing a suit and tie.

“Judge, I need a brief continuance so I can go home to get a tie, unless you will waive that silly rule about courtroom attire.”

“Normally, as you know, I enforce that rule, but for you, Mr. Manning, I will make an exception.”

“Thank you, your Honor.  I am on my way to Dove Valley, so if you don’t mind, I waive my right to present evidence and would like to proceed to my closing argument.”

“Actually, I am ready to rule.  You win!”

The other lawyer objected.  The judge over-ruled the objection. 

Sure, there might be an appeal.  Go ahead, make my day!  Who do they think they are dealing with? 

Super Bowl Suspense

Anyone who has read my recent posts is aware of the following:

1.  I have an official Broncos jersey;

2.  I am an unsigned free agent;

3.  I was recently injured.

For an update, I am pleased to report that I have removed myself from the injured reserve list and declared myself ready to play in tomorrow’s Super Bowl for the Broncos. 

I am waiting by the phone for that call from Coach Fox.  With all the distractions this week in New York, the poor man has not managed to find time to get me signed and to fly me out to the team hotel.  Apparently, he does not see the need for me to practice with the team.  I appreciate the confidence that he is showing in me, but I would be more comfortable having a little time to practice.  I’d prefer getting out there with some time to spare rather than this last minute stuff.  I suppose he wants to surprise the Seahawks.  “Hey, Pete Carroll, get a load of who we just added to our roster!”  Coach Fox wants to see the fear in Pete’s eyes right before game time.  I understand the psychological warfare.  I get it.  I will go along with the surprise strategy.      

I am wearing my jersey as I type these words.  I don’t even have to pack.  I am ready, Coach. 

I am all dressed up with somewhere important to go.  Like I said, all I need is that call. 

Sugar acts like the call won’t come.  She said we are going to a Super Bowl party tomorrow.  She should have told them that I will probably be playing in the game and can’t attend the party.  Won’t they feel silly when they are watching me on TV? 

If Sugar does not take this more seriously, I might not get her a ticket.  She might have to watch the game on TV. 

That will teach her an important lesson.  Next time I tell her that I will be playing in the Super Bowl, she better pay attention if she wants to sit in the stands with the wives of the other players.  For a trophy wife, Sugar has a lot to learn.  

Twins

Peyton Manning and I like to dress alike in our Bronco gear.  I don’t mind when he does that.  Imitation is the highest form of flattery, they say.

 

jersey
jersey

Smell of Sweet Success

So I have written recently about my official NFL licensed #18 Peyton Manning Bronco jersey. Remember?  All season, I would wear it, like many other fans with Bronco jerseys, on game days, and maybe even on the Friday before a Sunday game. In the playoffs, it became time to step it up.

Last week, in preparation for the AFC Championship last Sunday, I started wearing my jersey on Thursday and continued on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  Then, in celebration, it was appropriate to wear it on Monday.  Similarly, Tuesday and thereafter, I felt it my duty to keep up the team spirit by wearing my jersey each and every day.   I have followed that course of duty each and every day.  That statement is not fully descriptive.  I meant day and night, for luck is a fickle thing and night loyalty might be even more important than day loyalty. 

With the Super Bowl approaching, and only one more week before the game, it has seemed important to me to stay the course.  I imagine that there is a Seahawk fan out there, wearing a Seahawk jersey relentlessly.  It is between him and me.  Which of us is the stronger of spirit?

My wife, Miss Sugar, is, as I have often observed, just a girl.  She does not understand manly things.  She sees no harm in washing my lucky jersey.  That is just what my Seahawk counterpart is waiting for.  And I am waiting for his wife to wash his jersey.  That is when I will have him.  At that moment, the Bronco Super Bowl victory will be sealed and they will have little old me to thank for it. Coach, I can beat this guy!

Oh, sure, Sports Illustrated, ESPN, CBS Sports and all the commentators won’t give me credit, but I won’t mind.  I don’t need credit for the victory.  I just want to do my part for the team. 

It is only crazy if it does not work. 

Superbowling Without Me

Many of you dear readers are aware of my status as an undrafted, unsigned NFL free agent awaiting that call from the Broncos.  Well, sad to say, my status has changed because I have had to put myself on the injured reserve list due to a non-football related knee injury.  To be competitive in the Super Bowl, I really need full mobility, espectially the ability to make quick lateral cuts, which ability I now lack.

How, you ask out of grave concern, did I injure my right knee?

It is kind of embarrassing.  Many consider swimming to be a safe sport.  However, for those of us at the elite level, the act of kicking displaces so much water that something has to give.  I am a swimmer with special power it seems.  I entered the pool on Friday and swam a couple laps of butterfly, a difficult stroke requiring extraordinary coordination so as to execute the technique.  Then I swam a couple laps of freestyle, cutting through the water with grace and speed.  Next I started my specialty, breaststroke, which employs a frog kick or whip kick.  As you know, one’s knees move laterally and then come together.  On Friday, my usually compliant knees decided they could go up and down but they drew the line at going sideways and back together for in the process of swimming breaststroke, my right knee gave up and gave out. 

I blame my wife and mother.  Sugar dropped me off at the pool.  She said that I needed to get back in my routine so that I can again swim in the Senior Olympics and qualify for the national championships, again.  My mother always asks me if I have been exercising.  Pushy broads!

I hope that they are happy now that I am too crippled to play for the Broncos in the Super Bowl. I wonder how they are going to explain that to Peyton Manning, John Elway, John Fox and millions of Bronco fans. 

I wonder how they are going to explain my injury to the Senior Olympic Committee and the Senior World Games folks and all Americans counting on me.

Tomorrow I am going to see Dr. Gersoff, the orthopedic specialist for many professional athletes.  He has photos in his waiting room of Bronco players and Avalanche players and Olympic skiers and such.  I might be his first swimmer.  I better bring him an autographed photo of me in a Speedo, suitable for framing. Olympian 127

 

#18

Peyton Manning, #18, is not my team-mate, yet, but, since I am an undrafted free agent, I hope that soon we will both be on the roster for the Broncos.  I happen to possess an official NFL licensed Peyton Manning jersey, which I will be wearing on Sunday, when the Patriots come to Denver for the AFC championship game to decide which team goes to the Superbowl.  Of course, after I am signed, the Broncos will have to get me a jersey of my own, with a different number, but, for now, we both wear #18.

Peyton and I have not spent a lot of time hanging out together, yet, but I look forward to doing so.  He drives a Buick and my father had a Buick, so we have that in common.  Also, he has won some awards for his athletic accomplishments, and, as you readers are no doubt very aware, I have a few trophies of my own.  Remember who was captain of the 7th grade flag football championship team a few years back?  I thought you would! 

So, like I was saying, Peyton is my kind of guy.  I sincerely root for him and the other Broncos to beat the Patriots and then to win the Superbowl.  I don’t mind if I don’t get one of the championship rings this year because I will probably get one next year.

Now I have time to get that double knee replacement during the off season and to get my weight up.  After that, Peyton and I will have some fun during the 2014 season.  Go Broncos!

 

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