Shootin' the Breeze

and random targets

Archive for the tag “Dallas Apparel Mart”

Sugar’s Job Offer

Miss Sugar is an artist. She is also a promoter for other artists, putting on shows and arranging for them to hang artwork in venues in our town, ranging from a bank and restaurants to even a veterinary clinic. Last week she rented her own studio within a gallery run by a group of artists.

I support Sugar in her art endeavors. Last night, however, I drew the line at what I could not support.

I helped her set up her studio by putting up a hanging system which is too complicated for those of you not familiar with art galleries to fully grasp. Let’s just say I used an electric drill, screwdriver, hammer and a saw. I’d like to give the impression that it was a job for a manly man such as myself, but the rest of the story is that Sugar, who is not manly at all, had to kind of tell me how to set it up. I might be stupid, but I sure am strong. Plus I can reach pretty high without a ladder.

Sugar also cut a piece of carpet to fit in a spot in the larger gallery, but then we needed a transition strip where the carpet met a wood floor. Let’s just say I cut the wooden strip with a handsaw, something a girl like Sugar would have trouble doing. She hammered the strip to the floor. Big deal!

We were at the gallery last night and I was sawing the wooden transition strips as Sugar was in her studio painting a watercolor. The gallery was closed, or so we thought. Some men came in for an after-hours class. It was a figure-drawing class. The students were there, but no model had yet arrived. Clearly, I was the maintenance man. Sugar came out from the room that is her studio to see who came in. Who was she? One of the men asked whether Sugar was the model. She said she was not.

“Sometimes our model does not show up.” One of the other men told us that with a worried look. He pointed out some of his drawings from earlier sessions. It was, I could see, a nude figure-drawing class.

The men did not know this, but Sugar won the swimsuit portion of the Miss Texas/USA pageant “back in the day.” In connection with that, the Kim Dawson modeling agency recruited her as a swimsuit and lingerie model for both “print work” in catalogs and newspaper and magazine ads, as well as runway work at the Dallas Apparel Mart. It is not only my opinion, but the opinion of modeling professionals, that Miss Sugar is above-average in the looks department. She continued modeling after moving to Colorado — for a classy dress shop. She even modeled for them at bridal fairs when she was approaching 40 but still looked 20. She was in their newspaper ads for years.

The men did not know that I am Sugar’s husband as well as the maintenance man.

One of the guys, tired of waiting for the model to arrive for the class, had an idea. It was for the good of the artistic community. After all, the class had assembled.

“Would you mind modeling tonight?” he asked Sugar. “We pay $25.00 for an hour class.”

I played dumb, which is easy for me to do. I made like he was talking to me and I answered in her stead. “Thanks for asking me to model, and $25 is surely more than I’m used to getting for taking my clothes off, but we have to get home pretty soon.”

I also added, “In my modeling days, I insisted on a warm room and it seems chilly in here.”

My sense of humor only goes so far. The man with the good idea did not clarify that he meant for Sugar, not for me, to be the model.

I am pretty sure he “got the picture” that I am her husband and did not approve of his idea. He might have also noticed when I arose from working on my knees on the floor that I am a fairly big guy.

If you ever have a bachelorette party at which you want me to pop out of a cake, I will do it for $12 plus mileage. You will need a pretty big cake.
Miss Sugar modeling a bride’s dress in Colorado many years after the Miss Texas pageant and while mother of a teenager.

My Station in Life

To those of you who know me only as Big Bronc, the successor King of the Wild Frontier, I hope it does not disappoint you to learn that I also make the world a better place in my role as The Lawman, Advocate for Western Justice.  I work at the World Headquarters for Western Justice, which is located right here in Northern Colorado.

My trophy wife, Miss Sugar, holds the position of Office Manager, awarded to her through a system of nepotism.  Consequently, she is present at The World Headquarters when Big City Lawyers from Denver are obliged to travel to Fort Collins to deal with me in my persona as Just a Country Lawyer.

Miss Sugar, still a handsome woman for her advanced age, was, back in the day, a finalist in the Miss Texas USA pageant, winning the swimsuit competition, leading to a professional modeling career and appearances on an obscure television series called Dallas.  Big deal.

Who says that I wasn’t a professional model too?  For your information, I’ve done a little modeling here and there.  Well, just there, in Omaha, Nebraska, when I appeared in a print ad for the grand opening of the teen department at Nebraska Clothing, which is now out of business, but I do not accept the blame.  You could kind of recognize the back of my head as I tried on a coat.  I was photographed while shopping with my mother.  We are both pretty sure it was me trying on the coat, which we did not purchase.  No wonder they went out of business.  Although we were offered a discount for the coat as compensation for my modeling, when Mom declined anyway, the guy who asked to take my picture compensated me in another manner, by giving me one of the prizes intended for the Grand Opening.  I was awarded a real cool flashlight.  Those of you familiar with legal definitions will recognize that being paid for the publication of my image makes me a professional model.  I have cut back on my modeling career since that particular gig, so I could focus on seventh grade and beyond.

I don’t talk about my modeling in front of Miss Sugar because I am fairly certain that she was never in The Omaha World Herald and I don’t want her to feel inferior.  We were in different niches of the market.  To be fair, I was not in the Dallas Morning News as she was, nor on the cover of any lingerie catalogs, nor did I model at Dallas Apparel Mart  BECAUSE  I was very picky about allowing my image to be “used” to sell products.  The only reason Miss Sugar had to do that stuff was because the Kim Dawson Agency arranged them.  I did not require an agent.  As I described, Nebraska Clothing approached me.

It is generally recommended that being “equally yoked” is a good idea.  As used in the Bible, that means being married to another believer, and we do indeed share our religious beliefs as Christians.  However, both being professional models and all, I liked to think we were equally yoked in that sense as well.

That is what I liked to think.  That is what I liked to think until one of those Big City Denver Lawyers came to my office to spend the day taking depositions for a case we were litigating.  Of course I introduced him to my lovely wife.  As he left at the end of the day, he unkindly volunteered, “Man, you sure married way above your station in life.”

He is absolutely correct.  I married above my station in life by every measure.  Lucky me!

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