A Romantic Dinner at the Diner

My wife, Sugar, and I entered the old-fashioned 24-hour truck stop greasy spoon diner eager for a good old-fashioned dinner.

As is the case in many of the elite restaurants, the overhead television was on a channel showing a program about life in prison.  One of the patrons inquired about changing the station, but our server objected.  She explained that this week’s prison show features the Canon City prison in Colorado, which is where her fiance is residing.  She was hoping to catch a glimpse of him.  And, let us all agree, the television debut of a loved one is exciting indeed.

Before I could empathize with this young waitress by telling her that my own former fiance/now wife appeared on the TV show Dallas in her younger years (and likely get kicked under the table by sweet Sugar), our waitress provided more unsolicited information about her personal life.  She recently had a baby.  (That was a surprise to me because i thought she still looked pregnant but, of course, I did not say that as I got couth).

Guess who is the father.  Right.  The guy in prison.  In addition, we learned that there is a three year old child who is also a product of the relationship, also conceived and born during this extended period of engagement, either prior to the fiance’s conviction and imprisonment or, perhaps, as a result of conjugal visits.  I did not ask any questions.  I was a good listener.

Sugar ruined our intriguing conversation by insisting on ordering food just as we were really getting to know the waitress.  By the way, the parents of the waitress are watching the three year old and the baby while she works.  I was ready to offer to help out too, but Sugar kept changing the subject to the menu.  How rude!  She is normally a lovely woman, classy even, a Southern belle and beauty pageant winner, but her knowledge of prisons and the challenge of repeated pregnancies with an incarcerated partner is abysmal.  She could not relate.  I, on the other hand, was willing to listen.   I was about to mention that I am a lawyer and offer to help with the appeal pro bono when Sugar lost her appetite.

The family next to us had already been served.  One of their party, a young boy about eight years of age, suddenly, without warning, yet with impressive force, threw up on their table.  Spaghetti.

Sugar is soooo ladylike that she won’t even eat her own meal just because there is vomit on the next table.  I could smell it, sure, but it is not like any of the used spaghetti actually got on Sugar’s clothing, or even mine.

It’s not like it was on our table.  That would be where I would draw the line.

Who Shot J.R.?

If you are a true American or perhaps an unAmerican who is familiar with the American culture, you are a fan of the TV show, Dallas, which was popular from 1978-92, and you are also aware that the show has returned with many of the same actors, including  aged J.R. Ewing, Sue Ellen Ewing, and Bobby Ewing.  Lucy Ewing, who was 19, playing a high school girl at the beginning of the series, is now 53.  And looks it.

You are probably asking, “Are they bringing back that gorgeous young actress who appeared in 18 episodes in the early 1980s, the one who was eating in the restaurant as Bobby was at the next table with his girlfriend, who was also sometimes Sue Ellen’s maid or walking in front of the Ewing Building on the sidewalk?”  I happen to know who you mean.

You mean Miss Sugar!

Above is a photo submitted by her modeling agent to get Miss Sugar the job as an extra.  If you don’t believe me, I can provide an old pay stub.  Also, I refer you to an earlier blog, My Station in Life, in which I mention Miss Sugar’s modeling career after winning the swimsuit portion of the Miss Texas contest and being a finalist therein.

When Miss Sugar was on the set of Dallas, she and all others involved with the show who had a peek at the filming of the Who Shot J.R.? episode were required to sign a secrecy agreement, vowing to not reveal the answer to that question until the episode revealing the answer was broadcast.  Miss Sugar kept the secret.

One of my cousins, aware of Miss Sugar’s past as an extra in Dallas, wrote us yesterday and asked whether she had been contacted to be in the revived show.  The answer is “no,” as incredible as that seems to all genuine fans of Dallas.

I will explain my theory about why Miss Sugar has not been invited back.  My theory is that Lucy will not allow Miss Sugar to be on the show because Miss Sugar is waaaaay better looking than Lucy.  Frankly, I support Lucy on this.   I don’t want Miss Sugar to go back on the set because I would miss her too much.

So, please, write to the producers and urge them to continue to not contact Miss Sugar about returning to the Dallas TV show.  Let’s keep our beauty queens in Colorado!

My Station in Life

To those of you who know me only as Big Bronc, the successor King of the Wild Frontier, I hope it does not disappoint you to learn that I also make the world a better place in my role as The Lawman, Advocate for Western Justice.  I work at the World Headquarters for Western Justice, which is located right here in Northern Colorado.

My trophy wife, Miss Sugar, holds the position of Office Manager, awarded to her through a system of nepotism.  Consequently, she is present at The World Headquarters when Big City Lawyers from Denver are obliged to travel to Fort Collins to deal with me in my persona as Just a Country Lawyer.

Miss Sugar, still a handsome woman for her advanced age, was, back in the day, a finalist in the Miss Texas USA pageant, winning the swimsuit competition, leading to a professional modeling career and appearances on an obscure television series called Dallas.  Big deal.

Who says that I wasn’t a professional model too?  For your information, I’ve done a little modeling here and there.  Well, just there, in Omaha, Nebraska, when I appeared in a print ad for the grand opening of the teen department at Nebraska Clothing, which is now out of business, but I do not accept the blame.  You could kind of recognize the back of my head as I tried on a coat.  I was photographed while shopping with my mother.  We are both pretty sure it was me trying on the coat, which we did not purchase.  No wonder they went out of business.  Although we were offered a discount for the coat as compensation for my modeling, when Mom declined anyway, the guy who asked to take my picture compensated me in another manner, by giving me one of the prizes intended for the Grand Opening.  I was awarded a real cool flashlight.  Those of you familiar with legal definitions will recognize that being paid for the publication of my image makes me a professional model.  I have cut back on my modeling career since that particular gig, so I could focus on seventh grade and beyond.

I don’t talk about my modeling in front of Miss Sugar because I am fairly certain that she was never in The Omaha World Herald and I don’t want her to feel inferior.  We were in different niches of the market.  To be fair, I was not in the Dallas Morning News as she was, nor on the cover of any lingerie catalogs, nor did I model at Dallas Apparel Mart  BECAUSE  I was very picky about allowing my image to be “used” to sell products.  The only reason Miss Sugar had to do that stuff was because the Kim Dawson Agency arranged them.  I did not require an agent.  As I described, Nebraska Clothing approached me.

It is generally recommended that being “equally yoked” is a good idea.  As used in the Bible, that means being married to another believer, and we do indeed share our religious beliefs as Christians.  However, both being professional models and all, I liked to think we were equally yoked in that sense as well.

That is what I liked to think.  That is what I liked to think until one of those Big City Denver Lawyers came to my office to spend the day taking depositions for a case we were litigating.  Of course I introduced him to my lovely wife.  As he left at the end of the day, he unkindly volunteered, “Man, you sure married way above your station in life.”

He is absolutely correct.  I married above my station in life by every measure.  Lucky me!