Shootin' the Breeze

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Archive for the tag “divorce”

Bucked Off and Getting Back On

I confess that I have been bucked off many horses, many times.  I have been bucked off other things as well.

There is a saying that gives me some comfort.  “Ain’t a horse that can’t be rode; ain’t a cowboy can’t be throwed.”

Unless it is a bronc at a rodeo, who bucks for a living, and you are not allowed to get back on, there are two important reasons to get back on after being bucked off.

One reason is very simple.   If you don’t get back on, the horse won and will think that it can get you off whenever it wants.  So, for training purposes, and for the horse’s own good, you want it to learn that it can’t get away with it.  You want it to learn that you are boss; that you are in control.

The second reason to get back on is for your own good, for your self esteem, I guess, to not quit and to not be afraid.

Besides horses, there are other things in life that buck folks off.  (I am not talking about bulls, which are not really intended to be ridden anyway, at least not by me.)

Getting cut from a team is like getting bucked off.  It is  surprising that Michael Jordan was cut from his high school basketball team and inspiring that he did not quit basketball.  Some say that he turned out to be a pretty successful player.  Some say the best ever.

Getting fired, getting divorced, declaring bankruptcy, losing a loved one who dies, and health problems of all sorts are examples of life bucking you off.   When you are laying in the dirt, you often do not feel like standing up, mounting up, and taking another ride.  Those are the times to “cowboy up.”

Sometimes, I suppose we are more like the horses doing the bucking.  You might say that people who are recovering from addictions are trying to get a “monkey” off their backs.  From another perspective, you might say that making choices that lead to addiction could be to escape life’s demands, like you are trying to buck off responsibilities.  Either way, addictions involve bucking too.  Overcoming addiction is like getting back on the horse because it requires re-taking control.

God knows when we get bucked off, whether literally or by being cut from a team, fired from a job, divorced from a spouse or any of the ways we fall and land hard.

God also knows when we are bucking.  Like a good horse trainer, He does not give up on us.  He has ways of letting us know that we are not in control.

The Bible tells us that the hairs of our heads are numbered, that God knows when a sparrow falls from its nest, and that, lo, He is with us always.

Our heavenly Father is always ready to help us get back in the saddle.

From personal experience, most of us realize that “there ain’t a cowboy can’t be throwed.”  If you haven’t been throwed yet, you will be.

It is by faith we see that with God’s help “there ain’t a  horse that can’t be rode.”
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An Immodest Suggestion for Papal Selection

To use an analogy, sports teams sometimes go to outsiders when selecting a coach to turn around the program rather than hiring from within the program.  It can cause hurt feelings, but it often works to bring in new ideas instead of sticking with “the way we always do things around here.”

Perhaps the next pope should not be from Italy or even Europe.  Perhaps he should be married.  Perhaps he should be someone like, well, gasp, me.  That would shake things up a bit.

I’d have to do away with celibacy first off.  I would allow the clergy to marry.  And while on the subject of sex, the offenders in the clergy who are guilty of abusing young boys would not be protected, at all.  Remember how Jesus drove out those who desecrated the Temple by making it a “den of robbers.”  There are some things that cannot be allowed within the Church without harming the Church.  Clearly, the sex abuse scandals have harmed the Church.

I would stick with the liturgical traditions.  I would even encourage divorced people to take communion at Mass without requiring annulment.  That would increase church revenues while following another doctrine taught by Christ, i.e., forgiveness.

I am, of course, joking about my candidacy.  I am not joking about my recommendations regarding celibacy, marriage, divorce, communion, forgiveness or intolerance of sex abuse.

I respect the contributions of the Roman Catholic Church throughout history and I am grateful to the sincere Christians who have faithfully served the Church, including Pope Benedict.

I sincerely pray to the Lord Almighty, who already has chosen the next Pope, to bless that servant and his ministry in such an important role.

Vows Kept, Vows Broken

I am happily married, a blessing that I do not take for granted.

In the past three weeks, two men have confided in me that their wives have been unfaithful and they are getting divorces.  Both have children.  The news makes me very sad.  I am a lawyer, but not a divorce lawyer.  They were not asking me to represent them, nor for a referral.  They were talking to me as a friend.

I do not intend to imply that women do not suffer the pain of having unfaithful spouses to the same extent, but women are not likely to tell me about it.  They seek support from other women mostly.  I suppose these men talked to me about their pain because I am another guy and would not have shared with me if I was a woman. 

One of the men was served the divorce papers at church.  Maybe his wife had a reason, but I cannot imagine what it was.  He was living in the family home.  She knew where to find him.  How do people who vowed to love and honor one another “as long as you both shall live” fall so low?

I am certain these wives each have another side to the story.  Obviously, they are unhappy with their husbands, maybe for good reasons that I do not know about. 

I’m just sad.  A marriage between partners who stick together “for better or for worse, in sickness and in health,” is a wonderful mutually supportive and loving relationship.  A marriage between people who betray and hurt is the antithesis of love.  It takes two to make a marriage work, but only one to destroy it.  One hand cannot clap alone.

I think I better quit writing this and go give my wife a big hug.

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