Shootin' the Breeze

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Archive for the tag “Dr. Wayne Gersoff”

NO, BUT THANKS FOR ASKING!

Sugar got an appointment for me with Dr. Gersoff at 11:30 a.m. this morning.  He sent me to the hospital for an M.R.I. of my critically injured right knee.  Then I was to return to his office.  I appreciated that he did not just send me for the M.R.I., wait for the report, then have me come back on another day to go over it.  I think I know what is going on.  I suspect that Coach Fox and V.P. Elway pressured him to expedite getting me back in action.  He did not say that specifically, but I could see it in his eyes.

At the hospital, I had to go to admissions even for just a test.  For some reason, they were interested in my health insurance and even called to get the M.R.I. authorized.  CIGNA must be staffed by Bronco fans because the M.R.I. was approved immediately.  Thanks Coach Fox.

So for the paperwork, the hospital lady asked my occupation, to which I answered that I am an unsigned NFL free agent, and then Sugar rudely interjected, “He is delusional.  Put down that he is a lawyer.”  I don’t know what the lady actually put down, but since I was wearing a Bronco jersey, and am the perfect size for an NFL linebacker, I have a funny feeling that she put down both occupations, which is accurate.  I don’t understand why Sugar called me delusional because it is true that I am, at the present time, unsigned by any NFL team. 

The admitting lady told me the MRI was approved (surprise!) and led me to the Imaging Department.  There, I was presented with more paperwork, handed to me on a clipboard.  It was very intrusive.  There were questions about many health issues, such as whether I have metal anywhere in my body, including bullets, probably because metal would affect the Magnetic Resonance Imaging machine.  As I stood in my gym shorts, I think I know what caused them ask this question:  Do you have a penile implant?

So I wrote as my answer, “No, but thanks for asking.  Everybody wonders about that, but truly, it is all natural.”  Sugar felt that a simple “no” would have sufficed.  I was chuckling as I handed back the clipboard.  The lady behind the desk was not amused, but I crack me up.

After the M.R.I., they burned a copy on a disk for me to take back to Dr. Gersoff.

Dr. Gersoff showed me that my meniscuses (mesici?) are pretty much shot, that I have bone spurs, that I have reactive bone growth or something like that, and that I had a bunch of fluid, causing swelling.

So he put a big needle in my knee and filled two syringes with the bloody fluid (100 c.c), and then he injected some medicine, cortisone, I think.  I hope it is not a steroid that will affect my eligibility for either the NFL or the Olympics. 

He told me I could hold off on the artificial knee replacement, but to take it easy for a few days. 

He did not say it during the appointment, but I expect that he will tell Coach Fox that I will be ready for the Super Bowl in two weeks.   

Put me in, Coach!  (I am willing to sign a one game contract.)

 

Superbowling Without Me

Many of you dear readers are aware of my status as an undrafted, unsigned NFL free agent awaiting that call from the Broncos.  Well, sad to say, my status has changed because I have had to put myself on the injured reserve list due to a non-football related knee injury.  To be competitive in the Super Bowl, I really need full mobility, espectially the ability to make quick lateral cuts, which ability I now lack.

How, you ask out of grave concern, did I injure my right knee?

It is kind of embarrassing.  Many consider swimming to be a safe sport.  However, for those of us at the elite level, the act of kicking displaces so much water that something has to give.  I am a swimmer with special power it seems.  I entered the pool on Friday and swam a couple laps of butterfly, a difficult stroke requiring extraordinary coordination so as to execute the technique.  Then I swam a couple laps of freestyle, cutting through the water with grace and speed.  Next I started my specialty, breaststroke, which employs a frog kick or whip kick.  As you know, one’s knees move laterally and then come together.  On Friday, my usually compliant knees decided they could go up and down but they drew the line at going sideways and back together for in the process of swimming breaststroke, my right knee gave up and gave out. 

I blame my wife and mother.  Sugar dropped me off at the pool.  She said that I needed to get back in my routine so that I can again swim in the Senior Olympics and qualify for the national championships, again.  My mother always asks me if I have been exercising.  Pushy broads!

I hope that they are happy now that I am too crippled to play for the Broncos in the Super Bowl. I wonder how they are going to explain that to Peyton Manning, John Elway, John Fox and millions of Bronco fans. 

I wonder how they are going to explain my injury to the Senior Olympic Committee and the Senior World Games folks and all Americans counting on me.

Tomorrow I am going to see Dr. Gersoff, the orthopedic specialist for many professional athletes.  He has photos in his waiting room of Bronco players and Avalanche players and Olympic skiers and such.  I might be his first swimmer.  I better bring him an autographed photo of me in a Speedo, suitable for framing. Olympian 127

 

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