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Football Season

What is the proper number of football games to watch in a given weekend?

I am trying to live a balanced life, so I pose this question to the people of America, seeking guidance.

Watching no games is un-American and unmanly.  Watching too many games could be deemed by one’s female wife as being an unhealthy waste of time.

Failing to watch televised games of teams to which one owes a duty of loyalty probably borders on immorality.  For example, my father-in-law lives in Texas, in the Dallas-Fort Worth metroplex.  Therefore, if the Cowboys are playing and I call to talk about the game at half-time, it is important that we have both been watching the game.  On one occasion in the past, my mother-in-law told me that she had to call him to come to the phone because he was outside filling the birdfeeders.  She might as well have told me that he was crocheting doilies and could not be disturbed.  Since that incident, I have frequently called in advance of Cowboy games in order to ensure that said father-in-law is aware of his obligation to watch.  I don’t want to hear that he got beat up by his neighbors when they asked if he saw the game and he did not know the score.  It is important to fit in with the other men who live in America.

Similarly, when the Broncos are playing, I like to get calls from kindred spirits.  This past Thursday, the Broncos played the Ravens.  My good friend Kirk, who lives in Wisconsin, appropriately called during the game.  Today the Packers are playing the Forty-Niners.  It is half-time.  They are tied 14-14.  I reciprocated by calling Kirk so that he knows that I am watching the Packers, out of respect for him.

The examples that I have used are about NFL teams.  The same principles apply to college football.  Those games are played on Saturdays and there are more teams.  Last week Nebraska played Wyoming in Lincoln.  My friend Tom, who is on the faculty of the University of Nebraska, actually attended the game.  Therefore, I was obligated to call him the next day to ask about the game.  It was fitting and proper that I do this.

Obviously, if one actually attends a game, that pretty much prevents watching other games on the same day.  However, if one is employing the magic of television, there really is no excuse to fail to watch all games involving one’s favorite teams.  I have explained to my wife, Sugar, that I have approximately twenty favorite teams.  It is a huge responsibility to monitor each of them, but it has to be done.

In addition, I am competing in Yahoo Sports College Pick Em.  Therefore, I must, in advance of each game, select not only the winner, but beat the point spread.  Even without betting money, my man card is at stake.

Sugar does not fully grasp the importance of football.  She is, after all, just a girl.  Her friends and relatives never ask her if she saw, or validate whether she is presently watching, a particular game, with the possible exception of being asked if she saw the half-time show for the Super Bowl.  That lack of accountability frees her up to pursue other activities.

She has got it easy.

OOOPS — half-time is over.  I have to get back to the Packers game in case Kirk calls me later.

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