Shootin' the Breeze

and random targets

Archive for the tag “FedEx”

Oops, Beau Did It Again

Continuing the Beau marathon, today I am reblogging a post about a theft from FedEx. Yesterday’s post was about a similar target — UPS. Both really should use armored vehicles when coming to our ranch. Oh, and they better bring enough guys, such as a guard to go along withe the driver/deliveryman. Maybe more….

Shootin' the Breeze

A while back, I wrote about Beau and the UPS Driver.

https://cowboylawyer.wordpress.com/2013/06/04/beau-and-the-ups-driver/

Today, FedEx delivered something to our ranch.  Second verse same as first.

While the delivery driver was on our porch handing my wife the package, Beau was in the truck eating the driver’s lunch.  When are these drivers going to learn to shut their doors when they visit us?

The photo below shows Beau in the truck and his accomplice, Sadie, outside the truck as a distraction I suppose.  (You can enlarge the photo by double-clicking it.)

FedEx

The stolen lunch might have been Beau’s way of helping the driver lose weight. If you are having trouble losing weight, come to Cross Creek Ranch and we can arrange for Beau to eat your lunch every day.

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Beau and the UPS Driver

This is another in a string of Beau stories that I am reblogging so Beau fans may read about his adventures without being interrupted by other subjects.

Shootin' the Breeze

A UPS delivery truck came up the lane to Cross Creek Ranch.  He honked, probably intending to scare the dogs away from the truck so as not to hit them, at least he felt that way at that point in his day.  His feelings changed.

I came outside and the driver got out of his truck to hand me a package.  Foolishly, he neglected to close the door to his vehicle.  It probably did not seem foolish to him, but I know better.  I know better because I know the criminal mind with which we are dealing.

As he chatted with me about two Great Pyrenees who charged him when he delivered to another ranch yesterday, two Yellow Labrador Retrievers took a more subtle approach.  Sadie and Beau went up the steps of the delivery truck and inspected the contents.

Beau picked out something he liked and departed from the…

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Beau and Mitch — Psychological Warfare

Mitch does work around our ranch when we need help from someone with superior skills to my own, which is frequent.

Mitch is thus familiar with Beau, our male Yellow Labrador RETRIEVER.  I emphasize the word retriever because Beau is a compulsive retriever.  The word “retrieve” sounds more noble than an equally descriptive word, which is “steal.”  The distinction lies in whether or not the object Beau gets is gotten at the request of a person or over the objection of a person.

Mitch was telling me today that Beau took his hat, hammer, and some other tool.  Mitch is catching on, however.  Mitch said that he has learned to act like he does not care because Beau is eager for a reaction.  Mitch explained that if he feigns unawareness that his hat or tool is missing, Beau brings it back.  Apparently the fun for Beau comes from a reaction by Mitch that he values the object in Beau’s mouth.  This is called in scientific circles “reverse psychology.”

The UPS and the FedEx delivery drivers could learn from Mitch.  As described in previous blog posts, which you could look up in the archives, Beau has retrieved packages and one lunch from those trucks.  Those guys made the mistake of caring.

Oops, Beau Did It Again

A while back, I wrote about Beau and the UPS Driver.

https://cowboylawyer.wordpress.com/2013/06/04/beau-and-the-ups-driver/

Today, FedEx delivered something to our ranch.  Second verse same as first.

While the delivery driver was on our porch handing my wife the package, Beau was in the truck eating the driver’s lunch.  When are these drivers going to learn to shut their doors when they visit us?

The photo below shows Beau in the truck and his accomplice, Sadie, outside the truck as a distraction I suppose.  (You can enlarge the photo by double-clicking it.)

FedEx

The stolen lunch might have been Beau’s way of helping the driver lose weight. If you are having trouble losing weight, come to Cross Creek Ranch and we can arrange for Beau to eat your lunch every day.

The photo above was not staged. I grabbed a camera while Beau was still in the truck. Beau has no defense.

Beau and the UPS Driver

A UPS delivery truck came up the lane to Cross Creek Ranch.  He honked, probably intending to scare the dogs away from the truck so as not to hit them, at least he felt that way at that point in his day.  His feelings changed.

I came outside and the driver got out of his truck to hand me a package.  Foolishly, he neglected to close the door to his vehicle.  It probably did not seem foolish to him, but I know better.  I know better because I know the criminal mind with which we are dealing.

As he chatted with me about two Great Pyrenees who charged him when he delivered to another ranch yesterday, two Yellow Labrador Retrievers took a more subtle approach.  Sadie and Beau went up the steps of the delivery truck and inspected the contents.

Beau picked out something he liked and departed from the truck with a small package in his mouth.  It might have contained jewelry.  Sadie was still shopping; however, she did not find anything before I invited her to leave the truck, which she obediently did.

Obedience is a concept that Beau has not grasped.  He always thinks it is funny when he has something desired by others.  He does not readily return what he has, by every legal definition , STOLEN.  It is called in the Colorado statutes “Theft.”  It might be “Grand Theft” depending on the value of the stolen property.  Regardless of value, it was “a wrongful taking of property belonging to another.”  Clearly, taking something from a UPS truck is a criminal act that could result in a sentence of  years in the slammer.

As Beau’s reluctant attorney, I cut a deal with the driver.

As an aside,  I will explain that most retrievers complete the retrieval process by obeying a command such as “Drop It” or “Release.”  I did not have time to use words like that.  It was time for action.  I swiftly grabbed the culprit’s collar and then got the package from out of Beau’s mouth.  (Notice that I do not say suspect or alleged thief — this criminal was caught red-handed, well, he doesn’t have hands, so let’s say “with the evidence in his possession”).  We also have two eye witnesses, really three if you count his accomplice, Sadie, who claimed that she was not part of a conspiracy, that she was simply in the wrong place, i.e., the UPS truck, at the wrong time.  I think she is at least guilty of criminal trespass since she is not an employee of UPS and I am pretty certain that only employees are allowed in UPS vehicles.

Anyway, the deal I cut with the driver/victim is that if he does not turn my dogs in, I won’t report his negligence of failing to secure his vehicle while delivering in a rough neighborhood.  There are sliding doors on those vans for a good reason — security.  He violated his vow to guard the contents of his truck.  Other people’s property was his responsibility to protect and deliver.  I am outraged that he did not shut the door.  Outraged!

Now I have to explain to my wife why she can no longer use UPS.  We are at the very top of their bad customer list.  I wonder whether FedEx has us on their “do not deliver” list.  Do you think the UPS guys talk to the FedEx guys?

Maybe a couple years in the slammer would do Beau some good.

Skunky

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