Shootin' the Breeze

and random targets

Archive for the tag “Hillary Clinton”

Russian Allies

I have heard in the news that Russians have hacked into some voting machines across the nation and altered the outcome of our presidential election in favor of Donald Trump. It sounds very complicated and is even more nefarious if voting machines are not connected to computers into which to hack via the internet, also known, appropriately, as the worldwide web, which, as we know, was invented by Al Gore, who was cheated by hanging chads in Florida, prior to the involvement of Russia in our American presidential elections.

I, for one, am suspicious that the election fraud was not caused by computer hackers from afar but rather by Russian spies among us, who have wormed their way into the offices of election commissioners across the land, posing not only as Americans, but as election workers in the highest positions with access to counting ballots, or I should say, miscounting ballots.

These serious allegations do not trouble me. They teach me. In prior blog posts, I have announced my plan to skip traditional election campaigning to focus on obtaining votes in the electoral college from faithless electors. I have revealed my strategy of raising money by selling influence and using donations with strings attached to bribe electors to vote for me regardless of who wins in their respective states.

Now I see an alternate strategy. That is, I should recruit Russian spies and hackers to help me win the election in 2020.

I have a few years to learn the language in order to make friends with Russian spies and hackers.   It is all falling into place.

“Those who can, do. Those who can’t, teach.”

I am grateful to Hillary Clinton and her minions for explaining how to win an election.  She can really teach.

A Modest Proposal for World Peace Via the Weiners

I would not bet on a victory for Anthony Weiner in the New York City mayoral election.  However, I have an idea for alternate employment for him and his wife, Huma Abedin.

Mr. Weiner is Jewish.  His wife is Muslim.  His sexting has put more strain on their marriage than merely their religious difference.  Since they are still together, apparently they are both extraordinarily skilled at conflict resolution as well as being experts on Facebook networking.

Huma Abedin works for Hillary Clinton.  Some of you will recall that Ms. Clinton was, until recently, Secretary of State, a job which made her the boss of all American ambassadors to foreign embassies around the world, including Benghazi, Libya.

Huma grew up in Saudi Arabia, where her mother still lives.  She must have knowledge and insights about the troubled Mid-East.

Anthony has, well, “people skills” and is very out-going, to a fault perhaps.

What a team!  I suggest that they be sent to Syria as co-ambassadors.  They can make friends with Assad and bring him around to the American Way.  Maybe they could get him involved with Facebook friends as a way to get his mind off killing rebels AND maybe they could get the rebels in Syria to make friends with Assad through Facebook rather than direct military action.

Who better?

Problem solved.

You’re welcome!

Old-Fashioned Marriage

I have not been availing myself of the full capabilities of cell phone devices, according to what I see in the news.

Anthony Weiner is running for mayor of New York City.  Previously, he served in Congress, but resigned in 2011 due to a scandal involving exchanging sexually suggestive texts and racy photos with several women.  Recently, another young woman informed the media that he  had similar communications with her last summer and into the fall of 2012, including telephone sex, whatever that is.  Apparently, Mr. Weiner, whose name is no joke, has one of those fancy phones.  My own phone is not that attractive to me.   Mr. Weiner has a different  contract than the one I have with Verizon.  He might have T Mobile.  Or Sprint could be good for his active lifestyle.

Candidate Weiner is married.

His wife, Huma, who works for Hillary Clinton, a woman who herself  knows something about having a spouse with a wandering eye, held a press conference to express her continuing support of her husband as a candidate for mayor.

I am married too.  So I asked my wife, Miss Sugar, if she would be as understanding and forgiving as Hillary and Huma.  She would not be.

“But, Sugar, I applied for the county rural land use advisory board and I need your support for my political career.  Let’s hold a press conference so you can declare your loyalty to me.”

“What have you been up to?”

“Nuthin.  I just want to be proactive, so I think you should declare that if I ever do have an online relationship or texting relationship or an affair with, say,  an intern, or visit a prostitute, that you would stand by me, your man.”

“You know that I have stood by you for better and for worse, for richer and for poorer, in sickness and in health, but unfaithfulness is where I draw the line.  That is not what I meant when I said, ‘I do.’ ”

“Yes, ma’m.  I was just checking, now that I am on the brink of celebrity status.  We celebrities are not like the general public.  It is hard to be a celebrity or a charismatic politician and the like.  May I at least get a new cell phone?  This one does not even have a data package.  How am I supposed to stay connected with my public unless I have  mobile internet capability?  And one more thing — will you show me how to text?  Does this thing even take pictures?  Show me how to tweet.  Is there a voice messaging feature?  What is a ‘selfie’?”

Sugar has kept my cell phone activities simple.  She could teach Huma a thing or two.

Paul Newman, a handsome movie star, who, in my opinion, was much more photogenic than Anthony Weiner,  was once asked about his long-lasting Hollywood marriage and the temptations that come with the celebrity lifestyle.  I like what he said because, being married to Sugar, I totally understand.

Paul Newman explained, “Why fool around with hamburger when I have steak at home?”

That’s what I had in mind when I said, “I do.”  I had in mind sticking with the top grade steak I was blessed enough to get.  Others have pointed out to me that marrying Miss Texas was way, way above my station in life.  I ain’t complaining.  I don’t need to upgrade my cell phone plan.

Clint Black sang about this very topic, which you can listen to by clicking the link below:

http://search.yahoo.com/r/_ylt=A0oG7lEv7e9RmRAA3nFXNyoA;_ylu=X3oDMTEyNTdmaWJzBHNlYwNzcgRwb3MDMQRjb2xvA2FjMgR2dGlkA1FJMDM4XzE-/SIG=120hf4s9f/EXP=1374707119/**http%3a//www.youtube.com/watch%3fv=XoZC0Lkji2A

P.S.  Sugar also clarified that she is not open to sister wives either.   She is very territorial and that’s all right with me.  I am too!  I don’t want no stinkin’ new phone.

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