Shootin' the Breeze

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Archive for the tag “Hulk Hogan”

Robust Stache

Tom Selleck — Mustache Hall of Fame; Sam Elliott — Mustache Hall of Fame; Mark Twain — Mustache Hall of Fame; Albert Einstein — Mustache Hall of Fame; Wyatt Earp — Mustache Hall of Fame; Hulk Hogan — Mustache Hall of Fame.

The men listed above are mustache heroes of mine.  And now, I am prepared to join them in the Mustache Hall of Fame.  I will tell you the basis of my self-nomination.

Yesterday I bought a sandwich at a shop in Old Town Fort Collins, a very hip place, in a college town boasting Colorado State University.  Until then, I had not seen myself as a person with facial hair to which others aspire.  What changed my self-image?

The sandwich shop has a line from the sandwich makers to the cashier.  The cashier was a clean-shaven young man.  As I paid my bill, he said, “I want to comment on your mustache.  I really like it.”

“Thanks,” I cleverly responded with appropriate humility.

“I am clean-shaven now, but I used to have a mustache that kinda went down around my mouth like yours.  I gave it up because, well, mine was not as, as, I’d say as robust as yours.”  Robust?  The kid was obviously an English major.

I could see the admiration in his eyes.  I did not want to act superior.  I did not want to give false encouragement.  I tried to find the right words.

“Aw, shucks,” I eloquently began, “It don’t happen overnight.  Be patient.”

I think I gave that young man some hope.  Maybe someday, if he works diligently at proper cultivation of his whiskers, he too can find a place in the Mustache Hall of Fame.  Of course, there are no guarantees.  It is a pretty select group.

robuststache

KarenAndAlAtCrossCreekRanch

It is a special touch to have the tips highlighted in silver.  Some of us have it, some of us don’t.

30,000 Selfies

As I was waiting in the Department of Motor Vehicles with ticket number 234, which meant I was there for awhile, I sat across from a family consisting of what appeared to be a father, mother, and their daughter, Kim Kardashian.  I know what you are thinking.  You are thinking that Kim K’s father is deceased.  You might also be wondering why she would register her vehicles in Colorado.  So allow me to clarify that this young woman was not actually Kim K of reality TV fame, rather, she was a Kim K wannabe.  

As the purported father read a book, the mother was talking to her daughter about, well, about the daughter.  The daughter was in her late teens or early twenties.   She was not so independent as to go all by herself to the DMV.  However, she was willing to accompany her parents and to bless those of us in the general public with her presence.

As she talked to her mother, she did not look at her mother.  Instead, she arranged her head in various cute poses and tried varying facial expressions as she took pictures of herself with her cell phone.  Suddenly elated, she informed her mother (and the rest of us in the large waiting room) that she was five pictures short of 30,000.  That inspired her to quickly take five more pictures of herself so as to reach that noteworthy goal.

I couldn’t keep my mouth shut.  I inquired with true interest, “How long have you had your cell phone?”

Unabashed, she happily answered, “I got this about eight months ago.”  She said it like she had accomplished something admirable, like climbing Mt. Everest.  She also volunteered to me that she and her friends seldom text because a person’s facial expression says so much that they simply send selfies to each other.  She was pleased to have the opportunity to clue me in on what the cool kids do.  

I quickly did some math in my head.  I commented, “If you had your phone for ten months, that would be about 100 selfies a day, for 3,000 per month, but you did that in only eight months.  Wow!”

The selfie-taker proudly exclaimed, “I know!”

Her father jumped in, “That sounds about right.”  I suppose he was agreeing with my estimate of relentlessly taking selfies at a rate in excess of 100 per day.

I am writing this as sort of a public service announcement.  I want you, Dear Readers, to grasp the pace which must be kept in order to properly stay up with the champion narcissists.  Not just everybody can take 100 plus selfies a day.  It takes dedication.  It takes someone who enjoys looking at herself or himself.  It is a difficult task indeed.  If one misses a day, one would need to take 200 pics the next day just to keep up.  

I am fixin’ to take my first selfie. This illustrates my latest grooming project — a hybrid tribute to Wyatt Earp and Hulk Hogan with a dash of Wild Bill. Soon, all the cool dudes will copy it.
 Mustache
Only 29,999 to go. As a competitive person, I am thinking that if I cut back on my law practice, I could maybe break that little gal’s record. I think I could do it in seven months. Try to top that!

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