Shootin' the Breeze

and random targets

Archive for the tag “Marlboro Man”

Political Image Making

As I continue with my pre-campaign planning, there are many decisions to make.  It might seem shallow, but political candidates are concerned about their looks.  Think of the billboards, posters, flyers, TV commercials, and televised debates, not to mention public appearances and even door-to-door campaigning.

I should probably form a focus group to decide stuff like whether to have a mustache or wear a cowboy hat.  We have to think about the demographics.

Okay, I think the cowboy boots that I normally wear are fine.  The cowboy hat can be overdone.  Maybe I will just wear it in parades or on my ride across the state to meet the voters.

Since Colorado legalized marijuana, I should probably smoke marijuana on the campaign trail, which will require me to learn to smoke.  I can be like the Marlboro man with a joint.  Very appealing to more than one group of voters.

The great thing about nose rings is one can take them out when the occasion calls for that.

Beauty Tips from a Cowboy

I nearly had a conversion experience while shaving today.  I had inspiration for looking into becoming a Muslim or Hindu or one of those religions that have members wear veils.  My inspiration came when looking at my rugged face in the well-lighted bathroom mirror.   As a result of that revelatory experience, I have concluded that I would be much better looking behind a veil.

Upon further research into world religions, I found that it is the womenfolk who wear veils, not the fellas.  I’m not ready for a sex change operation, although I live in a convenient location because I have heard tell that such surgeries are available in Trinidad, Colorado, just a few hours away from where I reside.

Miss Sugar, my beauty queen/model wife, is the person who first helped me realize the advantage of hiding my face.  Several years ago, she made the suggestion that I grow my mustache to go around my mouth so as to hide some wrinkles that had developed as I matured.  The point she was subtly making seems to be that the more of my face that is hidden, the better I look.  So I accommodated her since she is the person who has to look at me the most.

mustache al

When I told her about the gender-changing drawbacks to me qualifying to wear a veil, she pointed out the obvious.

“You don’t need a veil.  Just wear a bandana around your face like outlaw bandits do.  That would go better with your hat anyway,”  she wisely explained.

“What about my eyes, squinting like the Marlboro Man from years of riding the range?  I don’t want surgery like Bruce Jenner and Joan Rivers had.”

Again she offered a simple solution.  “Wear sunglasses, Silly!”

So here’s the look Miss Sugar recommends for me when she takes me out in public.


The only trouble is, they won’t let me in the bank.  I look quite handsome on the sidewalk though.  I can tell from all the stares.

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