Those of you who are professional football fans are already aware that the New York Jets are looking to trade Tim Tebow. I hear there are conversations among some of the teams while owners and general managers are hanging out at the National Football League Scouting Combine. As I have mentioned in a previous blog, I was not invited to attend the combine as a potential player. Well, I am not a team owner, scout, coach, general manager, or V.P. for Personnel either, so I stayed home.
Now I am concerned that they are talking behind my back. No one has tweeted me about it, yet I have a funny feeling that I just might be the subject of some wheeling and dealing. As I wrote a couple days ago, I have been blessed with the perfect dimensions for an NFL linebacker — 6’2″, 247 lbs. What a specimen of manhood!
Now Tim Tebow ain’t too bad himself. He has great athletic ability. He won a Heisman and two national championships in college. Nevertheless, he has had some trouble finding a spot as a quarterback. He tries really hard. Still, the NFL is a tough place to get a job. Some of us have it, some of us don’t. (That is merely a figure of speech, of course. I am not actually including myself in the part about “some of us don’t.” I just like to sound modest.)
I hope some team is not planning to draft me as a linebacker just to position themselves to trade me to the Jets for Tebow. Therefore, in fairness to all, I am taking this opportunity to declare one of the terms of my future contract. That is, I have geographical demands. Feel free to tell the world via your Twitter accounts. You may have the sports news scoop of the day. The following inside information is hereby being leaked to the sports media, then I will deny it.
I might be limiting my draft value by saying this, but I will refuse to sign with the Jets. I don’t want to be coached by Rex Ryan, for one thing, but the real reason is that I have livestock to care for here in Colorado. I am willing to commute to Bronco headquarters at Dove Valley during the season. I understand that there will be occasional overnights for away games. I can make arrangements for those times. But I can’t go back and forth to New York every day. Realistically, the Denver Broncos are the only team I want to play for.
Sure, there are teams located in many nice cities. I don’t want to offend anyone. I just am trying to be practical and realistic. I trust that this announcement will be appreciated as it is intended to save the other 31 teams from futile attempts to draft me or trade for me or sign me as a free agent. Then again, if they offer me a real good deal….
It might hurt me to have slightly tipped my hand. I want to be honest with the other owners. I will simply await getting that call from Mr. Bowlen, the owner of the Broncos. Don’t tell him I said so, but I would probably sign for the league minimum if he throws in a Ford F250 King Ranch diesel pickup. (I got that idea from Walt Garrison, who negotiated a horse trailer as part of his signing bonus.) See link below.
Posted in humor
and tagged Broncos
, Denver Broncos
, Dove Valley
, free agency
, New York Jets
, NFL draft
, NFL Scouting Combine
, Pat Bowlen
, Rex Ryan
, signing bonus
, sports media leaks
, Tebow trade
, Tim Tebow
, Walt Garrison
NFL Draft and My Political Campaign
I’ve had to suspend my pre-campaign for the Senate while I await that special call from the Broncos. Readers of previous blogs back during the NFL Combine will recall that I am the perfect size for an NFL linebacker and that I have hinted very strongly that I am only interested in signing with the Broncos as the only team within commuting distance.
I started waiting on Friday. Someone told me that the NFL draft is over. That is obviously incorrect because I have not yet been notified that I was drafted. I am still waiting.
There must be some terrible mix-up. I assume they misplaced my contact information and are really embarrassed, so I have been somewhat pro-active. I left a few messages for John Elway, John Fox, and Pat Bowlen, the owner. That way they have my cell phone, office phone and email.
There is a risk that I will damage my negotiating position if I appear too eager, yet I want to get the ball rolling regarding my contract.
I know what is going on. They are probably calling my agent. He knows how to get a hold of me. Maybe. At least he has my number. I wonder why he has not returned my last fifty calls.