Shootin' the Breeze

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Archive for the tag “retirement”

Monday Morning Quarterbacking

As everyone in the civilized world is aware from watching the game yesterday, the Colts knocked the Broncos out of the playoffs. Unless you live in Indianapolis, you are severely depressed by the outcome of that game. And you are concerned about the future of Peyton Manning. So am I.

Of the millions of you who watched the game and noticed that I was not playing in the game, few have contacted me directly, yet I have a feeling that everyone is wondering why I was not out there on the field. Two words: bum knees. Those bum knees prevented me from turning the tide, as all of you were waiting for me to do. I apologize to each and every one of you on this very public forum. I was not at the stadium. I was 75 miles away, on a couch, eating snacks. The snacks were delicious, provided by our host and hostess who invited us to watch the game at their home, knowing about our house fire and consequential lack of a TV.

I do not know whether I will be in the NFL next year. Like Peyton Manning, I am considering retiring from professional football. I want to be able to contribute 100%. It is frustrating for me to be on injured reserve status.

My most loyal fan, Miss Sugar, is not pushing me to decide immediately. She is willing to let me work out in the off-season before making a press announcement. If I have the recommended double knee replacement surgery, I might, after physical therapy, regain my pre-injury speed. But don’t count on it. It is a day to day decision.

If you spot Peyton and me playing checkers in the park, you will read into that the answer to all this speculation about our potential respective retirements. I will likely decide that if Peyton will not be playing, then I will not play either.

Wagon Train

Sugar and I had dinner last night with friends, Kent and Trisha.  Recently, I wrote about Kent returning from a six month sabbatical the very same week that our cat returned from hers.  Each have had trouble adjusting to their respective former lives.  We have the cat locked on the back screened-in porch.  By contrast Kent’s law firm staff have not been successful keeping him locked in his familiar office.  This week he announced his retirement.

The cat has everything she needs on the porch — food, water, a litter box, and a bed.

Kent and Trisha purchased a motorhome.  It has all those same things and more.  For example, they upgraded from a mere litter box to have better accomodations.  Classy! 

They are booked for a trip to Alaska.  It sounds like a wonderful way to travel.  They are going to be part of a wagon train.  There will be a wagonmaster, a mechanic, and a paramedic with the wagon train.  People with RVs will travel together, each with a two-way radio so the wagonmaster can communicate with them.  He will also serve as tour guide and comment via radio on what they are seeing.  What a great idea.

Sugar and I have an RV.  What we don’t have is the time.  We are envious, but we will vicariously enjoy our friends’ adventures.

AARP Is Spying On Me

The American Association for Retired Persons, also known as AARP, scares me.  As soon as I turned 50 years of age, I received an envelope in the mail via United States Postal Service from AARP.  It contained an invitation to join the organization.  How did they know when I had reached the age that made me eligible to join?

In addition to the apparent invasion of my privacy by somehow investigating my age, AARP hurt my feelings by implying that I should be retired.  I am not retired. 

Miss Sugar, my trophy wife, who is much younger than me, yet receiving AARP materials too, is similarly offended. 

This has been going on for more years than I want to say.  I am still not retired and so it still hurts my self esteem that not only was I expected by AARP to be retired by age 50, but each year I don’t retire, I feel slow and poor.  AARP insinuates that all the cool persons have plenty of money to retire by age 50.  Otherwise, there must be something inept about those of us still working. 

The Social Security Administration, on the other hand, makes me feel that I am not behind.  It sends me publications clarifying that I am way too young to retire.  I am so young that it is against the law for Social Security to give me retirement benefits.  The only way it will pay me benefits at my young age is if I could prove I am disabled. 

Hey, maybe I should ask the folks at AARP to tell the Social Security people that I might indeed be disabled.  AARP could say that there must be something wrong with me mentally to have essentially “flunked” life by failing to retire by 50 as their organization proclaims is the proper age. 

But back to the original concern, how does AARP know who is 50?  Did they tell the girl behind the counter at Burger King to offer me the free senior coffee?  Is it a conspiracy?  “You are not paranoid if they are really after you.”

 

 

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