Shootin' the Breeze

and random targets

Archive for the tag “Super Bowl”

Not Impressed

Last week, I went swimming at the rec center.  I was doing butterfly stroke, the Fly, flyin’ through the water.

When I stopped at the end of the lane after a lap, or half a lap, a young boy, appearing about ten or eleven, was standing on the deck of the pool, above me.

He said, “That was some good swimming!  I saw that in the Olympics.  Were you in the Olympics?”

I said, “Thanks.  I was in the Senior Olympics.”

He looked at me with obvious disappointment.

“Oh,” he said and walked away.  I guess my answer was not what he hoped for.

Me neither.  It was not the answer I wish I could give.

If given another chance, so as not to disappoint any young admirers, I will say, “Yes, I was in the Olympics.  Would you like my autograph?”

I might add, with feigned humility, “I also play for the Broncos.  I left my Super Bowl ring in the locker so I won’t lose it in the pool.”

That would make the kid’s day, to meet someone as admirable as me.

It would make my day too.

P.S.  I thought of how to sign my autograph — Walter Mitty.

The Morning After

Yesterday was, as every real American knows, the Super Bowl.

This morning I awoke in a cold, dark place.  I was still wearing my Bronco jersey.  It was dripping with sweat.  I was curled in a fetal position. 

“Al, don’t you have to be in court today?” Sugar disturbed my focus on my deep depression.

“Sugar, I am sure the courthouse will be closed and the flags at half mast on this sad day.  Remember, the Broncos lost the game.  I am in mourning.”

“Well, maybe the judge and your client and opposing counsel did not take it as hard as you have.”

“How dare you, woman!  Of course they feel as sad as I do.  I am in no condition to be in court.  I have to watch the game films.  I have to talk to Coach Fox about my role on next year’s team.  Peyton and Champ won’t retire and neither will I.  We are a team.”

“Well, they probably got out of bed and in case the judge did too, maybe you should swing by the courthouse on your way to Bronco headquarters at Dove Valley.  You know, to verify that the courthouse is closed.”

So I went to the courthouse wearing my official NFL-licensed Peyton Manning Bronco jersey — #18.  To my surprise, it was open.  I went to the courtroom where my case was to be heard.  The judge was in his robes.  Opposing counsel was wearing a suit and tie.

“Judge, I need a brief continuance so I can go home to get a tie, unless you will waive that silly rule about courtroom attire.”

“Normally, as you know, I enforce that rule, but for you, Mr. Manning, I will make an exception.”

“Thank you, your Honor.  I am on my way to Dove Valley, so if you don’t mind, I waive my right to present evidence and would like to proceed to my closing argument.”

“Actually, I am ready to rule.  You win!”

The other lawyer objected.  The judge over-ruled the objection. 

Sure, there might be an appeal.  Go ahead, make my day!  Who do they think they are dealing with? 

Super Bowl Suspense

Anyone who has read my recent posts is aware of the following:

1.  I have an official Broncos jersey;

2.  I am an unsigned free agent;

3.  I was recently injured.

For an update, I am pleased to report that I have removed myself from the injured reserve list and declared myself ready to play in tomorrow’s Super Bowl for the Broncos. 

I am waiting by the phone for that call from Coach Fox.  With all the distractions this week in New York, the poor man has not managed to find time to get me signed and to fly me out to the team hotel.  Apparently, he does not see the need for me to practice with the team.  I appreciate the confidence that he is showing in me, but I would be more comfortable having a little time to practice.  I’d prefer getting out there with some time to spare rather than this last minute stuff.  I suppose he wants to surprise the Seahawks.  “Hey, Pete Carroll, get a load of who we just added to our roster!”  Coach Fox wants to see the fear in Pete’s eyes right before game time.  I understand the psychological warfare.  I get it.  I will go along with the surprise strategy.      

I am wearing my jersey as I type these words.  I don’t even have to pack.  I am ready, Coach. 

I am all dressed up with somewhere important to go.  Like I said, all I need is that call. 

Sugar acts like the call won’t come.  She said we are going to a Super Bowl party tomorrow.  She should have told them that I will probably be playing in the game and can’t attend the party.  Won’t they feel silly when they are watching me on TV? 

If Sugar does not take this more seriously, I might not get her a ticket.  She might have to watch the game on TV. 

That will teach her an important lesson.  Next time I tell her that I will be playing in the Super Bowl, she better pay attention if she wants to sit in the stands with the wives of the other players.  For a trophy wife, Sugar has a lot to learn.  

Smell of Sweet Success

So I have written recently about my official NFL licensed #18 Peyton Manning Bronco jersey. Remember?  All season, I would wear it, like many other fans with Bronco jerseys, on game days, and maybe even on the Friday before a Sunday game. In the playoffs, it became time to step it up.

Last week, in preparation for the AFC Championship last Sunday, I started wearing my jersey on Thursday and continued on Friday, Saturday and Sunday.  Then, in celebration, it was appropriate to wear it on Monday.  Similarly, Tuesday and thereafter, I felt it my duty to keep up the team spirit by wearing my jersey each and every day.   I have followed that course of duty each and every day.  That statement is not fully descriptive.  I meant day and night, for luck is a fickle thing and night loyalty might be even more important than day loyalty. 

With the Super Bowl approaching, and only one more week before the game, it has seemed important to me to stay the course.  I imagine that there is a Seahawk fan out there, wearing a Seahawk jersey relentlessly.  It is between him and me.  Which of us is the stronger of spirit?

My wife, Miss Sugar, is, as I have often observed, just a girl.  She does not understand manly things.  She sees no harm in washing my lucky jersey.  That is just what my Seahawk counterpart is waiting for.  And I am waiting for his wife to wash his jersey.  That is when I will have him.  At that moment, the Bronco Super Bowl victory will be sealed and they will have little old me to thank for it. Coach, I can beat this guy!

Oh, sure, Sports Illustrated, ESPN, CBS Sports and all the commentators won’t give me credit, but I won’t mind.  I don’t need credit for the victory.  I just want to do my part for the team. 

It is only crazy if it does not work. 

NO, BUT THANKS FOR ASKING!

Sugar got an appointment for me with Dr. Gersoff at 11:30 a.m. this morning.  He sent me to the hospital for an M.R.I. of my critically injured right knee.  Then I was to return to his office.  I appreciated that he did not just send me for the M.R.I., wait for the report, then have me come back on another day to go over it.  I think I know what is going on.  I suspect that Coach Fox and V.P. Elway pressured him to expedite getting me back in action.  He did not say that specifically, but I could see it in his eyes.

At the hospital, I had to go to admissions even for just a test.  For some reason, they were interested in my health insurance and even called to get the M.R.I. authorized.  CIGNA must be staffed by Bronco fans because the M.R.I. was approved immediately.  Thanks Coach Fox.

So for the paperwork, the hospital lady asked my occupation, to which I answered that I am an unsigned NFL free agent, and then Sugar rudely interjected, “He is delusional.  Put down that he is a lawyer.”  I don’t know what the lady actually put down, but since I was wearing a Bronco jersey, and am the perfect size for an NFL linebacker, I have a funny feeling that she put down both occupations, which is accurate.  I don’t understand why Sugar called me delusional because it is true that I am, at the present time, unsigned by any NFL team. 

The admitting lady told me the MRI was approved (surprise!) and led me to the Imaging Department.  There, I was presented with more paperwork, handed to me on a clipboard.  It was very intrusive.  There were questions about many health issues, such as whether I have metal anywhere in my body, including bullets, probably because metal would affect the Magnetic Resonance Imaging machine.  As I stood in my gym shorts, I think I know what caused them ask this question:  Do you have a penile implant?

So I wrote as my answer, “No, but thanks for asking.  Everybody wonders about that, but truly, it is all natural.”  Sugar felt that a simple “no” would have sufficed.  I was chuckling as I handed back the clipboard.  The lady behind the desk was not amused, but I crack me up.

After the M.R.I., they burned a copy on a disk for me to take back to Dr. Gersoff.

Dr. Gersoff showed me that my meniscuses (mesici?) are pretty much shot, that I have bone spurs, that I have reactive bone growth or something like that, and that I had a bunch of fluid, causing swelling.

So he put a big needle in my knee and filled two syringes with the bloody fluid (100 c.c), and then he injected some medicine, cortisone, I think.  I hope it is not a steroid that will affect my eligibility for either the NFL or the Olympics. 

He told me I could hold off on the artificial knee replacement, but to take it easy for a few days. 

He did not say it during the appointment, but I expect that he will tell Coach Fox that I will be ready for the Super Bowl in two weeks.   

Put me in, Coach!  (I am willing to sign a one game contract.)

 

Superbowling Without Me

Many of you dear readers are aware of my status as an undrafted, unsigned NFL free agent awaiting that call from the Broncos.  Well, sad to say, my status has changed because I have had to put myself on the injured reserve list due to a non-football related knee injury.  To be competitive in the Super Bowl, I really need full mobility, espectially the ability to make quick lateral cuts, which ability I now lack.

How, you ask out of grave concern, did I injure my right knee?

It is kind of embarrassing.  Many consider swimming to be a safe sport.  However, for those of us at the elite level, the act of kicking displaces so much water that something has to give.  I am a swimmer with special power it seems.  I entered the pool on Friday and swam a couple laps of butterfly, a difficult stroke requiring extraordinary coordination so as to execute the technique.  Then I swam a couple laps of freestyle, cutting through the water with grace and speed.  Next I started my specialty, breaststroke, which employs a frog kick or whip kick.  As you know, one’s knees move laterally and then come together.  On Friday, my usually compliant knees decided they could go up and down but they drew the line at going sideways and back together for in the process of swimming breaststroke, my right knee gave up and gave out. 

I blame my wife and mother.  Sugar dropped me off at the pool.  She said that I needed to get back in my routine so that I can again swim in the Senior Olympics and qualify for the national championships, again.  My mother always asks me if I have been exercising.  Pushy broads!

I hope that they are happy now that I am too crippled to play for the Broncos in the Super Bowl. I wonder how they are going to explain that to Peyton Manning, John Elway, John Fox and millions of Bronco fans. 

I wonder how they are going to explain my injury to the Senior Olympic Committee and the Senior World Games folks and all Americans counting on me.

Tomorrow I am going to see Dr. Gersoff, the orthopedic specialist for many professional athletes.  He has photos in his waiting room of Bronco players and Avalanche players and Olympic skiers and such.  I might be his first swimmer.  I better bring him an autographed photo of me in a Speedo, suitable for framing. Olympian 127

 

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