My career in the U.S. Senate is in its infancy. No, it is earlier than infancy. I am in the fetal stage of my Senate career. In fact, those of you reading this post are witnessing American history in the making. Let this serve as the announcement of my candidacy.
Well, maybe not exactly the formal announcement. That might have some legal requirements or even implications. Most importantly, I do not want to have to report contributions to my campaign just yet. John Edwards, former Senator and former Democrat nominee for Vice President and former candidate for President taught me the importance of being careful about federal campaign finance laws.
Therefore, since I have merely pre-announced, please do not send financial contributions to my campaign until I tell you that I am ready. It will involve an off-shore account.
At this point in the pre-campaign, let us work together to support my program of reforming America. I have a dream. I have a dream that one day terrorists will no longer kill innocent Americans. I have a dream today.
As a lawmaker, I will make new laws to implement my dream. We need to put into our criminal code additional legislation that will leave no doubt about what constitutes unacceptable behavior. Terrorists and other criminals will think twice before breaking the law. I have a dream that making certain things illegal will serve as a deterrent to bad people.
First, I pledge to sponsor legislation defining and, this is important, outlawing terrorist violence.
For example, flying airplanes into buildings will be against the law. Bombs will be illegal unless the bombs have been inspected and pass a strict safety test.
Terrorists will be required to register as a terrorist. Not just anyone will be permitted to register as a terrorist. Each applicant will have to pass a federally administered background check. (I kind of borrowed that idea from the gun control advocates.)
In addition, after registering in the national register of terrorists, as a means of keeping the F.B.I. informed, terrorists will be required to report any changes of address as well as inform new neighbors of the relocation of the registered terrorists. OR ELSE! (My staff is working on some really tough penalties).
I know, let’s commission a study about implementing a law, better yet, a commandment saying something like, “Thou shalt not murder.” That just might work! You are welcome!
So, my fellow Americans, join me in my quest to save America from violence by supporting my candidacy. How? By “liking” me on Facebook. https://www.facebook.com/pages/Cowboylawyer/383464201742506.
Tomorrow I will explain how to balance the budget.