Shootin' the Breeze

and random targets

Archive for the tag “theft”

Oops, Beau Did It Again

Continuing the Beau marathon, today I am reblogging a post about a theft from FedEx. Yesterday’s post was about a similar target — UPS. Both really should use armored vehicles when coming to our ranch. Oh, and they better bring enough guys, such as a guard to go along withe the driver/deliveryman. Maybe more….

Shootin' the Breeze

A while back, I wrote about Beau and the UPS Driver.

https://cowboylawyer.wordpress.com/2013/06/04/beau-and-the-ups-driver/

Today, FedEx delivered something to our ranch.  Second verse same as first.

While the delivery driver was on our porch handing my wife the package, Beau was in the truck eating the driver’s lunch.  When are these drivers going to learn to shut their doors when they visit us?

The photo below shows Beau in the truck and his accomplice, Sadie, outside the truck as a distraction I suppose.  (You can enlarge the photo by double-clicking it.)

FedEx

The stolen lunch might have been Beau’s way of helping the driver lose weight. If you are having trouble losing weight, come to Cross Creek Ranch and we can arrange for Beau to eat your lunch every day.

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Beau and the UPS Driver

This is another in a string of Beau stories that I am reblogging so Beau fans may read about his adventures without being interrupted by other subjects.

Shootin' the Breeze

A UPS delivery truck came up the lane to Cross Creek Ranch.  He honked, probably intending to scare the dogs away from the truck so as not to hit them, at least he felt that way at that point in his day.  His feelings changed.

I came outside and the driver got out of his truck to hand me a package.  Foolishly, he neglected to close the door to his vehicle.  It probably did not seem foolish to him, but I know better.  I know better because I know the criminal mind with which we are dealing.

As he chatted with me about two Great Pyrenees who charged him when he delivered to another ranch yesterday, two Yellow Labrador Retrievers took a more subtle approach.  Sadie and Beau went up the steps of the delivery truck and inspected the contents.

Beau picked out something he liked and departed from the…

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Beau and the UPS Driver

A UPS delivery truck came up the lane to Cross Creek Ranch.  He honked, probably intending to scare the dogs away from the truck so as not to hit them, at least he felt that way at that point in his day.  His feelings changed.

I came outside and the driver got out of his truck to hand me a package.  Foolishly, he neglected to close the door to his vehicle.  It probably did not seem foolish to him, but I know better.  I know better because I know the criminal mind with which we are dealing.

As he chatted with me about two Great Pyrenees who charged him when he delivered to another ranch yesterday, two Yellow Labrador Retrievers took a more subtle approach.  Sadie and Beau went up the steps of the delivery truck and inspected the contents.

Beau picked out something he liked and departed from the truck with a small package in his mouth.  It might have contained jewelry.  Sadie was still shopping; however, she did not find anything before I invited her to leave the truck, which she obediently did.

Obedience is a concept that Beau has not grasped.  He always thinks it is funny when he has something desired by others.  He does not readily return what he has, by every legal definition , STOLEN.  It is called in the Colorado statutes “Theft.”  It might be “Grand Theft” depending on the value of the stolen property.  Regardless of value, it was “a wrongful taking of property belonging to another.”  Clearly, taking something from a UPS truck is a criminal act that could result in a sentence of  years in the slammer.

As Beau’s reluctant attorney, I cut a deal with the driver.

As an aside,  I will explain that most retrievers complete the retrieval process by obeying a command such as “Drop It” or “Release.”  I did not have time to use words like that.  It was time for action.  I swiftly grabbed the culprit’s collar and then got the package from out of Beau’s mouth.  (Notice that I do not say suspect or alleged thief — this criminal was caught red-handed, well, he doesn’t have hands, so let’s say “with the evidence in his possession”).  We also have two eye witnesses, really three if you count his accomplice, Sadie, who claimed that she was not part of a conspiracy, that she was simply in the wrong place, i.e., the UPS truck, at the wrong time.  I think she is at least guilty of criminal trespass since she is not an employee of UPS and I am pretty certain that only employees are allowed in UPS vehicles.

Anyway, the deal I cut with the driver/victim is that if he does not turn my dogs in, I won’t report his negligence of failing to secure his vehicle while delivering in a rough neighborhood.  There are sliding doors on those vans for a good reason — security.  He violated his vow to guard the contents of his truck.  Other people’s property was his responsibility to protect and deliver.  I am outraged that he did not shut the door.  Outraged!

Now I have to explain to my wife why she can no longer use UPS.  We are at the very top of their bad customer list.  I wonder whether FedEx has us on their “do not deliver” list.  Do you think the UPS guys talk to the FedEx guys?

Maybe a couple years in the slammer would do Beau some good.

Skunky

Beauzo

Skunky

I write so much about Beau, a trouble-making yeller dog, that I have been accused of making stuff up about him for entertainment purposes.

I deny making up anything that I have written about him.  I have not exaggerated anything that I have written about him.  I have not written about even a portion of the mischief he has caused.  I am not creative enough to make this stuff up.

This very day, within a matter of minutes, Beau committed several misdeeds, which I will describe as they are fresh in my feeble mind.

As I was working in my home office inside our house, Miss Sugar, my lovely yet hard-working spouse, was working within earshot of my office window, vacuuming out the Ford F250 Superduty Supercab pickup.  She was vacuuming dog hair from the truck’s upholstery.  She said she was sick of getting dog hair all over her clothing.  So she was taking matters into her own two lovely hands, the same two hands, each with an opposable thumb, which she uses to play the piano, guitar, and paint.

In addition to using her hands, I noticed that she was using her mouth to express words of frustration concerning the help from Beau that she was not welcoming.  He had volunteered to get back into the vehicle as she vacuumed, presumably to offer a live demonstration of how muddy paws can be just as big of a problem as shedding hair.

The preferred method of vacuuming a vehicle is to leave the doors open for easy access with the vacuuming equipment.  In the case of our equipment and electrical supply source, Miss Sugar parked the truck close to the back porch and ran an electric extension cord from the porch to the truck, which requires leaving the screen door of the porch ajar.  The screen porch contains a cat.  It contains the cat so that Beau does not beleaguer the cat.  We put the cat there out of consideration for its safety.  If it is a smart cat, it will remain on the porch despite the breach of security in the form of an unlatched, slightly ajar door, accommodating the cord.

The danger of doors ajar and doors being open is that Beau, who opens his own crate door with his face, is also capable of opening other doors, allowing ingress and egress to him for areas in which he is not welcome.  For instance, the porch where the cat resides.

As mentioned, his entrance into the truck with dirty paws even as Sugar was vacuuming caused her to sense that she was losing rather than gaining ground.  Her senses were correct.  She was losing ground, as in one step forward, two steps back.  She had brought paper towels into the cab of the pickup, intending to clean the inside of the glass.  Suspiciously, the roll of towels disappeared.  She lost more progress, even the opportunity for progress, when she briefly left the truck and vacuum unattended.  During her absence, Beau took the hand-held vacuum in his mouth and, rather than vacuum the truck, which was, after all, the task at hand, he ran off with it, just because he thought it was funny, I suppose.  Since the cord to the vacuum was plugged into the porch, pulling on the cord so as to unplug it and pull it through the unlatched screen door results in opening the door.  Any cat stupid enough to leave its home, furnished with a bed, potty box, food and water, might find life in the wilderness a challenge which includes coyotes.  Good luck, whatever your name is!

So that is how it went with Miss Sugar’s truck cleaning project.  Of course, after awhile, Beau dropped the vacuum, which was easily located due to the long orange extension cord dragging towards the barn.

When Miss Sugar completed or gave up on the task, Beau turned his attention elsewhere.

Elsewhere is in the courtyard, where we have the hot tub that I mentioned in another blog this week in the context of needing to fix it.  Well, that was somewhat misleading if you inferred from my saying I need to fix it, that I mean me fixing it.  I meant that I would make arrangements for it to be fixed.  The way I made arrangements is for Mitch, who is a handyman, to fix the hot tub.  Mitch frequently builds and repairs stuff here at Cross Creek Ranch.  So today Mitch was working on the hot tub.  Beau decided to check on Mitch’s work.  Personally, I do not see a need to supervise Mitch.  Beau disagrees.

Beau noticed that Mitch was using screws that he kept in a cardboard box, the box in which they were packaged when Mitch bought them.  Apparently, Beau had an idea that the box of screws would be more convenient if relocated, so he picked it up with his mouth, spilling screws, and looked Mitch in the eye to see what Mitch would do about it.  Mitch did exactly what Beau wanted him to do — he tried to retrieve the box.  That, to Beau, was funny.  It is funny for Beau to watch humans fail at catching him as he dodges.

I know what happened because Sugar called for me.  “Beau took Mitch’s hat and is dragging it in the mud.”

You are thinking, gentle readers, that Beau took the box of screws, so what is this about a hat?

Mitch explained to me, when I went outside to assist Mitch with his theft recovery, that as he bent over to get the box out of Beau’s mouth, Beau pulled the old “bait and switch” by grabbing Mitch’s hat right off of his head.

Mitch was laughing.  I am relieved that he and Beau share the same sense of humor.

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