Beau Ain’t No Lassie

This Beau story is similar to the Wascally Wabbit one. Lassie was the hero in many rescues. Some dogs are rescuers, others rescuees.

Shootin' the Breeze

Oldtimers such as myself, who watched the TV show Lassie, or younger folks who have seen re-runs of the show, probably remember Lassie rescuing Jeff or, later, Timmy.  A familiar joke was, “What is it, Lassie?  Timmy is in the well?  Show me, girl.”

In a 1988 vice-presidential debate, Senator Lloyd Bentsen said to Senator Dan Quayle, “Senator, I knew Jack Kennedy and you, sir, are no Jack Kennedy.”

I knew Lassie, and you, Beau, are no Lassie.

Rather than save Timmy from the well, as did Lassie, Beau is the one who needs saving.

Miss Sugar is more like Lassie and Beau like Timmy.

Sugar called to me, “Al, Beau is whining and barking.  I think you locked him in the barn when you put the rake away.”

I went to the barn, bravely, on my bum knee, enduring the pain for 100 yards.  Very John Wayne-like.  Very tough. …

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Beau Ain’t No Lassie

Oldtimers such as myself, who watched the TV show Lassie, or younger folks who have seen re-runs of the show, probably remember Lassie rescuing Jeff or, later, Timmy.  A familiar joke was, “What is it, Lassie?  Timmy is in the well?  Show me, girl.”

In a 1988 vice-presidential debate, Senator Lloyd Bentsen said to Senator Dan Quayle, “Senator, I knew Jack Kennedy and you, sir, are no Jack Kennedy.”

I knew Lassie, and you, Beau, are no Lassie.

Rather than save Timmy from the well, as did Lassie, Beau is the one who needs saving.

Miss Sugar is more like Lassie and Beau like Timmy.

Sugar called to me, “Al, Beau is whining and barking.  I think you locked him in the barn when you put the rake away.”

I went to the barn, bravely, on my bum knee, enduring the pain for 100 yards.  Very John Wayne-like.  Very tough.  Very manly.  I did it for Miss Sugar more than for Beau, the whiny baby.

He was not in the barn.  Sugar had falsely accused me.

He barked again.  He sounded hurt.  Since I was in the barn, and the sound was not coming from there, I determined that the sound came from the west, maybe by the river.  I limped to the river.  Maybe Beau is hurt.  Maybe a snake bit him.

Sadie went with me to the river.  She was no Lassie.  She was unconcerned, actually glad to have time alone with me.  She swam in the river.  We found no Beau there.

Sugar was calling Beau repeatedly.  He would answer.  It was like the game in the swimming pool.  Marco.  Polo.  Marco. Polo.  You know the drill, except Sugar was saying, “Beau.”  Beau was saying, “Whine, whimper, bark.”  Again, “Beau!”  Then, “Whine. Whimper. Bark.”

Sugar was worried.  She was distressed.  So, as usual, I stepped in to save the day.  Again.

We have, between the barn and the river, a huge hole which we euphemistically call The Pond.  It is the low point where run-off gathers and actually fills to be a temporary pond in the spring.  The rest of the time is is a dry hole.  It is, more accurately, a burn pile/trash dump.  We throw old Christmas trees in there.  We throw scrap lumber there.  I hate to admit that we throw old tires in there, which are not burnable.  There is an old dresser in there.  Also, I confess to putting other discarded items.  I have been collecting such for years because I am afraid to start a fire when there have been so many wildfires.  I need a burn permit.  I don’t have one.  I doubt that I can get one.  I could haul stuff to the county landfill, but that takes work, plus they charge a fee.  So, I have been using my own personal landfill.   So have the rabbits.

Under the pile of trash, a colony of rabbits found safety, or so they thought.

Beau was somewhere under that pile, trapped.  He could not come out on his own.  He was stuck.  We could see his tail.  Like I said before, he was whining.  He was whining like a baby.  He was whimpering like a wimp.  Naturally, we thought he was hurt.  So I flung tires, plywood, fence poles, and such in order to clear a way to where we saw Beau’s tail.

We called him, but he did not come out.  He still thought he was stuck, I guess, or he was too lazy to back out.  Or too stupid.  Take your pick.  I moved more stuff out of the way.  Finally, he climbed out, just as pretty as you  please, with no injuries.

There was no apparent reason why he did not back out.  There was no reason to whine.  I suppose, unlike Lassie, who rescued Timmy, Jeff and others, Beau just waited to be rescued.  He identifies with Timmy, not Lassie.  He does not see himself as a hero.  He has that victim mentality.

I was the hero, like usual.  Ain’t I somethin’?

Lassie, the Well, and Criminal Minds

Baby boomers old enough to remember the TV show “Lassie” are familiar with Lassie’s ability to communicate with humans.  She would run for help, bark, and then the human would follow her back to whomever needed saving.  She was a beautiful Collie.

“What is it, girl?  Timmy’s in the well?  Show me!”

Roy Rogers’ dog, Bullet, and Rin Tin Tin, who was the hero of Fort Apache, both German Shepherds, exhibited the same talent.

Our new dog, Beau, a Yellow Lab we just adopted from an animal shelter, performed in a similar, yet opposite, manner.

Timmy was not in the well.  Beau was.  Kinda.  I will explain.  Labs like to play in water.

Here on Cross Creek Ranch, we have a PVC water pipe that formerly was connected to a mobile home on the property.  The mobile home, being mobile, was removed many years ago.  However the electric, septic and water hookups remain, in case we build another cabin on the site.  That PVC pipe sticks up out of the ground.  The water pipe is capped on the end with a plastic plug.

We learned by a very recent experience that if the plastic plug is removed, the area floods.  We also learned that when water is pouring out of that pipe like a fireman’s hose, we lose water pressure in the main house, the bunkhouse, and the barn.

We lost water pressure yesterday morning.  Lassie, I mean Beau, came up on the back deck, soaking wet, made eye contact with Miss Sugar, and left.

“What is it, Beau?  Is Timmy in the well?  Show me!”

So Miss Sugar followed Beau to the well, sort of.  She followed him to where the PVC pipe was spurting out water, to Beau’s delight.

Our hero!  He was alerting us to our water problem.  Isn’t he smart!

Is he smart enough to remove the plastic plug?  Why has it never come out before?  Why is his rawhide chew toy, left as a clue, laying next to the pipe?  Who would leave a dog dish at the scene of the crime?  If someone who enjoys tug of war  and chewing thought it was fun to bite the plastic plug, might the plug come loose?  I’m not naming names of suspects quite yet, I’m just investigating theories.

Beau knows, but he ain’t talking.

At least he helped me fix the problem that he “found.”

If Beau is so smart, why did he bring a hammer to a plumbing project?

Pictured above is the usual suspect, standing in the water.  Note the rawhide chew toy immediately below his left front foot.  No one else’s chew toys were in the vicinity.  Another photo of the crime scene above shows a dog bowl and the chew toy.  How did they get there?  Either someone is attempting to frame Beau, or he must remain being considered a “person of interest.”

I invite readers to serve as jurors.  If you believe in your heart, after reading the description of events and clues, that Beau is innocent, please give your opinion in a comment on this post.