I Hate It When That Happens

Today I am looking for empathy from those of you who can relate to the sequence of experiences that I experienced this very morning.

You know how when you are in bed and your wife tells you to let the dogs out because it sounds like one of them is throwing up?  I hate it when that happens!

And you know how when a dog is not really throwing up but merely gagging on a pair of scissors that it took off the kitchen counter and is chewing on the plastic handle with the points sticking out?  I hate it when that happens!

And you know how when you recover the scissors and let the dogs out and then your wife yells from the bedroom for you to go ahead and feed them so they don’t bark and then come back to bed but you dread feeding them because it is cold outside on the deck where their bowls are?  I hate it when that happens!

And you know how when you dutifully get the dog food out of the garbage can on the screened porch but don’t bother to put on clothes because you have no neighbors close enough to see your lack of clothes and then go out on the deck to feed the dogs and it is really, really cold?  I hate it when that happens!

And you know how when you have invented an elevated feeding station for the cat which requires you to reach up to deposit the cat food in the cat’s bowl (https://cowboylawyer.wordpress.com/2013/10/23/my-latest-invention/) and one of the dogs seeking to get the bag of cat food that you are carrying jumps up on you and you scream in terror at the thought of claws tearing your private parts?  I hate it when that happens!

And you know how when you return to bed and your wife, who has been warm under the covers, asks why you yelled and broke the silence of the dawning of the day, and you tell her, and she laughs?  I hate it when that happens!

And you know how when you fear going to a urologist for repair of that area of the anatomy that urologists call a word that starts with “scro” and rhymes with “drum” or even with “tum” and you do not want to be humiliated by explaining how yours was torn by the claws of an animal?  I hate it when that happens!

It is a good thing that I am so tough!  Tough as leather!

Still, if I was not so tough and had actually suffered damage, Sugar suggested that I could make her a nice coin purse for a Christmas present.