Shootin' the Breeze

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Archive for the tag “Whole Foods”

Not Wholly Alone

Miss Sugar and I are on a kick to try to eat healthily.  This past weekend was our annual John Wayne Barbeque.  About 50 guests attended. We served pork that we smoked ourselves for many hours, then simmered in Miss Sugar’s special barbeque sauce.  We served barbeque beans with lots of sausage, almost like chili.  We served potato salad, Oklahoma caviar, and a bunch of other stuff which might not all be gluten-free or sugar-free.  Sugar made lots of desserts — sweet potato pie, pecan pie, apple crisp.  Other folks contributed to the array.  We had sweet tea, lemonade, and some adult beverages.  It was all very healthy. 

So today we had lunch at Whole Foods.  I walked around and around the buffet, feeling like crying.  It was difficult to find anything that I wanted to eat.  Kale is not my favorite.  I settled on some fake crab, spinach leaves, and peas.  I am still hungry, but I did not even want seconds of anything.  Picky eater, I guess.

What I noticed as I walked around the store was that I was not appropriated dressed.  I was out of fashion.  I was not wearing khaki shorts.  I was not wearing sandals.  I was the only person I saw wearing cowboy boots as I checked out the other shoppers.  No one else had boots.  No one else was wearing Western style clothes.  And this is in Colorado.

Wait!  I finally saw a kindred spirit.  I saw another pair of cowboy boots worn by a very attractive woman, who was also wearing a cowboy hat.  My heart fluttered.

Miss Sugar is my kind of gal!  Anybody can see that!

Image

The only trouble is that when we hold hands, hers are quite a bit smaller than mine, as you can observe in the photo, but I don’t mind, and she don’t seem to neither. I’d still say we are equally yoked.

Uniformity

Sugar took me to Whole Foods.

It is well-organized.  The staff was very friendly and helpful.

We got a few groceries and even some food on plates for a meal in the pleasant dining area.

It was in the dining room where I fully realized that I was out of uniform.

I was wearing jeans and cowboy boots.  The other four men eating there each had on khakis and sandals.  One pair of khakis was long.  Two were baggy shorts.  The fourth khaki garment was what in the olden days might be described as pedal pushers or beachcombers.  They were 3/4 length and rolled up a bit more.  They would not look good with cowboy boots.

I was not the only one with facial hair, but I did not fit in for a different reason — all but me had shaved heads on top.

Fashion-wise, I did not ‘fit in” for this visit to the store, but I have a funny feeling that when I return every man will be wearing cowboy boots.  I bet every person in Whole Foods noticed me.  I stood out.  It did not look like anyone in this crowd has cowboy boots.  I believe I altered their collective fashion consciousness.

No one verbally articulated admiration for my attire at the time, but I could see the admiration in all their eyes.  The power of my personal presence led all in attendance to an epiphany about how a man ought to look.  I believe I broke down khaki barriers and introduced a different kind of footwear as well.  Free at last, the men of Whole Foods can now see beyond the previously required uniform.

Sure, there is more to this than just my good looks.  They probably recognized me as the new appointee to the Rural Land Use Board and aspire to themselves reach political glory.  To follow in those footsteps you can’t be wearing sandals.  That is a job for someone in cowboy boots.

P.S.  It might even dawn on them that they can wear a cowboy hat until the hair grows out of them shaved heads.

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