Shootin' the Breeze

and random targets

Archive for the tag “Wrangler butt”

Kim K Copies My Fashion

kim-kardashian-torn-jeans

Very recently, I saw a photo of Kim Kardashian wearing jeans with holes in the areas of her thighs and knees.  My first thought was that she must be bucking bales of hay because I have over the years had many pairs of jeans with that exact same look.  I suspect that Kim and other fashion leaders noticed me at the feed store or while I was doing chores.  I know I look good in jeans, but I always believed women were studying my Wrangler butt.  Apparently, they study my thighs as well.

Here is how to get holes in the thigh area of one’s jeans.  As you lift bales of hay, use your leg to help bring the bales to your middle area immediately prior to using your arms to lift the bales above your waist or even head, depending upon how high you are stacking the bales or throwing them onto the hay wagon as another person standing on the wagon aka hay rack (as in hay rack ride), to stack bales there.  I perfected the technique as a young teen trying to keep up with older fellas picking up hay bales from the field and then handling them again to stack the bales in the hay loft of the barn.  “More bales!” we would yell, implying that the other cowboys were not keeping up with our respective selves, the superior workers.

Kim did not explain the worn-out jeans that she was wearing so she might not want me to explain the process of achieving that look.  She does not seem the type to throw bales of hay, but now you know.  I see her in a whole different light.  What a hard-working cowgirl!  I had previously thought she shopped on Rodeo Drive in Beverly Hills or Hollywood or wherever it is.  I do suggest she get more sensible footware.  I wear cowboy boots.  They have heels, but not spindly ones such as Kim wears above.  I doubt she wore those shoes in the hay fields.

I hesitate to publish this because I fear that a bunch of California girls will be contacting me to ask about stacking hay bales.  I will have to reject their assistance.  After all, I am married to Miss Texas and she looks good in her jeans with or without holes in the thighs.  Kim could learn a lot from Miss Texas but I wonder if she is capable of grasping what Miss Texas knows.  Miss Texas is way out of Kim’s league.

Modeling

scamp bowing

Take a bow, Miss Texas!  (I doubt Kim can ride a trick horse).

Being Checked Out

I have a mind.  I’m not just a piece of meat.  I have feelings too.

Sugar and I were in a store in Hill City, South Dakota, in The Black Hills, last weekend.  The store sells books about The American West.  I bought one about Crazy Horse, whose monument is nearby.  It has other items too.  Sugar was looking at Native American jewelry.  The salesclerk was not Native American nor was she from The American West.  She told Sugar, who noted her Back East accent, that she was from Philadelphia.

Out of the blue, when I was not even talking to her, the Philadelphia lady asked me, “Do you ride horses? (pause)  A lot?”

I proudly told her that I have been riding horses my whole life or at least since I was two years old.  I expected her admiration.  I figured she was thrilled to be in the presence of a genuine cowboy.  (In my prior post, Miss Sugar’s Purse, I described my attire, including the manly shoulder bag).

Maybe she asked the question because of my hat and boots.  It turns out that her focus was on checking out my Wrangler jeans as  I innocently browsed the books.

“Man, are you bow-legged!”  That is what she said.  She then asked if spending too many hours in the saddle during my formative years caused my condition.  I am certain that she meant it as a compliment.  I took it as a compliment.  Of course, Miss Sugar being there and all, the store clerk probably was too uncomfortable to come right out and compliment my rear.

The great thing about being delusional is that even if you are not actually on the beach, you can still enjoy it.

coffee at churchHere I am having coffee at our Cowboy Church, Ridin’ for the Brand, which meets in an indoor horse arena.  Guess whose legs are the subject of this post? Hint:  white hat.  Maybe I am slightly bow-legged.  Or it could just be the angle of the camera.

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