Shootin' the Breeze

and random targets

AARP Is Spying On Me

The American Association for Retired Persons, also known as AARP, scares me.  As soon as I turned 50 years of age, I received an envelope in the mail via United States Postal Service from AARP.  It contained an invitation to join the organization.  How did they know when I had reached the age that made me eligible to join?

In addition to the apparent invasion of my privacy by somehow investigating my age, AARP hurt my feelings by implying that I should be retired.  I am not retired. 

Miss Sugar, my trophy wife, who is much younger than me, yet receiving AARP materials too, is similarly offended. 

This has been going on for more years than I want to say.  I am still not retired and so it still hurts my self esteem that not only was I expected by AARP to be retired by age 50, but each year I don’t retire, I feel slow and poor.  AARP insinuates that all the cool persons have plenty of money to retire by age 50.  Otherwise, there must be something inept about those of us still working. 

The Social Security Administration, on the other hand, makes me feel that I am not behind.  It sends me publications clarifying that I am way too young to retire.  I am so young that it is against the law for Social Security to give me retirement benefits.  The only way it will pay me benefits at my young age is if I could prove I am disabled. 

Hey, maybe I should ask the folks at AARP to tell the Social Security people that I might indeed be disabled.  AARP could say that there must be something wrong with me mentally to have essentially “flunked” life by failing to retire by 50 as their organization proclaims is the proper age. 

But back to the original concern, how does AARP know who is 50?  Did they tell the girl behind the counter at Burger King to offer me the free senior coffee?  Is it a conspiracy?  “You are not paranoid if they are really after you.”



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